FAN or BAN, POP CULTURE NEWS »

Yes, you are looking at a mug with a tiny built-in digital photo frame… also known as ONE OF THE STUPIDEST THINGS I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE. . To me, this begs the question: exactly how mentally unstable does one need to be in order to require a photo of their family every time they take a sip of their beverage? Not only that, but this mug seems really… unsafe. Sorry, I’m not putting my lips near anything that both holds liquid AND requires an electrical charge to function. . Guys, just a friendly tip – if you see this on a co-worker’s desk, back away slowly because there’s probably a bomb in their pencil drawer.

FAN or BAN, MOVIES »

I innocently rented The Strangers last night, expecting it to be just another typical hack and slash horror. I was wrong. Waaaay wrong.

If you like horror/thriller movies, and you haven’t seen this yet, RENT IT. You’ll never look at a record player the same way again.

FAN or BAN, TELEVISION »

MTV has a new show out, called “Sex With Mom And Dad.” Even though the title makes it sound like a show about offspring in Kentucky who actually HAVE SEX with their moms and dads, thankfully, that’s not what the show is about. The premise is equally as disturbing, though. Relationship expert Dr. Drew Pinsky sits down with kids and their parents, and forces them to talk with each other, in detail, about their sexual encounters and practices.

Last night I caught the episode with Greg, a 19-year old male whore from Jersey with only two loves: himself, and his hideous zebra print hat. Five minutes into the episode, and his mother’s already spilling the beans that she “didn’t orgasm” until her mid 30s. I know. Gross, right? Do you care when your mother first orgasmed? I SURE DON’T. I’m no prude by any sense of the word, but I’ll tell you one thing: my gag reflex hasn’t seen so much action since the time my friends forced me to sit through the movie “Dan In Real Life.” I hated every minute of it.

Cocky, obnoxious, STD-infested Greg bragged to Dr. Drew about sleeping with at least 2 different girls each weekend, so Dr. Drew made him and his mother go on a “BONK TOUR.” Translation: they had to physically go show each other the places they’ve had sex. What that has to do with ANYTHING, I don’t know. I can tell you it only got worse from there.

Cut to a scene of them driving around town as Greg pointed out the locations of his sexual trysts (which included a gym rooftop, a beach lifeguard stand, and even a romantic little parking spot by a DUMPSTER.) When he admitted to his mom he had sex in the back of their car, the mother freaked out and said, “Your little brother sits there!” Greg shrugged his shoulders and said, “So what. I didn’t leak.”

Next, Greg’s mother drove him home, took him into her bedroom, pointed at her bed, and said, “This is my bed. I have very intimate sex here.”

Enough. Give me a fucking break. This show is ridiculous, dysfunctional, and disturbing. It’s one thing to talk to your kids about sex and the necessity of condoms, but it’s completely another to delve into detail about the length of your orgasms and the amount of your ejaculate. What the hell happened to privacy? What about normal, healthy parent/child boundaries?

Bottom line: If you want to hear details about your child or your mother’s sex lives, or visualize their sexual encounters, you’re not “learning and growing” — you’re NORMAN BATES.

And good luck to all of you googling the show’s title, “Sex With Mom And Dad” – I think my computer just caught gonorrhea. I”m sure you can imagine the search results that turned up. I think a few even involved FARM ANIMALS. Be sure to clear your history, because if your friends or family see that shit, they’ll think you’re Jeffrey Dahmer.

FAN or BAN, FOOD »

People sure do love Pepe’s Pizzeria on Wooster Street in New Haven, CT! A quick google search yields overwhelmingly rave reviews, and people are more than willing to wait in line for over an hour just to get a table there. What I want to know is this: ARE YOU PEOPLE CRAZY? Who’s writing these reviews? All the cousins of the extended Pepe family?!

Pepe’s is overrated. Period. And I’m banning it. The clueless masses are more than happy to buy into the “if everyone loves it, it must be good” hype. The truth is, Pepe’s serves the worst pizza I have ever eaten in my life.

I live five miles from the restaurant. I’ve waited in the lines. I’ve feasted on the various “world famous” pizza pies. And I’ve left disappointed, every time. Sure the place is filled with history, and yes, they cook in a coal oven, but so what? The result is a tired, dated restaurant and pizzas that are so chewy and hard you can hardly swallow them.

Unfortunately, the problems with this restaurant go far beyond some unedible crust. My issues with Frank Pepe’s Pizzeria are as follows:

1. You’re not allowed to set foot into the sacred restaurant until there’s a table ready for you, yet the only waiting area they have is a joke. It’s basically a 3×8 coat closet that reeks of body odor, ammonia, and vomit. You’re resigned to stand there, like a child being punished, until a rude waitress, bitter she had to stop what she was doing, calls for you.

2. The staff is rude and the “service” is poor. They act like they’re doing you a favor by taking your order. They huff and puff if you ask a simple question. And just a tip: don’t dare ask for a straw, unless you want to be looked at with the contempt of an axe murderer.

3. I’ll deal with standing around for hours, and I’m willing to endure rude service, IFif the food is really good. However, PEPE’S PIZZA IS DISGUSTING. I can not emphasize that enough. I was motivated to write this review after my last (and final) trip to Pepe’s over the weekend. My sister’s boyfriend was visiting from out of town, and simply had to go to Pepe’s after seeing it featured on the Food Network. I warned him about how awful the pizza was, but he wanted to go anyway. I begrudgingly obliged.

We ordered a simple large cheese pizza, and received a dry, cheeseless, virtually tasteless pie. This is the norm at Pepe’s, not the exception. The dough is so chewy and hard that you can hardly swallow it. The crust, which is usually one of my favorite parts, is completely unedible. The cheese is exceptionally salty. The tomato sauce is bland. All you taste is soot and salt, and it’s simply awful. My sister’s boyfriend didn’t even eat one whole piece; he just sat there, shifting around in the uncomfortable Pepe’s booth, staring at the dry shoe leather on his plate with disgust.

And for those wondering, Sally’s pizza is better, but not my much. It’s still pretty gross, too.

Check out this video we shot at Pepe’s during our last visit and make up your own mind. Does THIS look like “the world’s best pizza” – or cardboard that was just flattened in a compressor at the dump? Look at it! IT DOESN’T EVEN BEND! And that’s not a good thing. It’s more dried up than Jerry Seinfeld’s career. Happy viewing.

Pepe’s Pizza – New Haven, CT from pophangover on Vimeo.

FAN or BAN, TELEVISION »

I am BANNING: hideous CBS TV show artwork and promotional logos from being etched on iPods. This trend is just too tacky for words.

You see, the CBS TV store is now selling “limited edition” iPods with etched pictures from shows like The Horse Whisperer, CSI, Survivor, Amazing Race, and yes… even Beverly Hills 90210. Frankly, it’s the dumbest idea to come out of CBS since they greenlit “Baby Bob” in 2003.

It’s one thing to watch CSI, but it’s totally another to want David Caruso’s wrinkled face forever emblazoned on your iPod. If you purchase one of these little numbers, you might as well take advantage of the free personalization and write “I HAVE NO LIFE” on your iPod as well.

And the prices? Forget about it! They want $219 for the 4GB ipod nano and $269 for the 8GB ipod nano (normally $149 and $199, respectively – so that’s an additional $70 each!)

There are only 2,000 of each available! So hurry over to the CBS store and get ready to stand out from the crowd… in a “I have 30 cats and no friends” sort of way.

(bah nah nah nah, bah nah nah nah, LAME LAME)

FAN or BAN »

I am Fanning: Nike Shox iD custom sneakers. These things are hot. They come in mens and womens sizing, and you get to pick your own colors so your sneakers will look just the way you want ‘em to.

Sure, they’re a bit pricy at $115, but considering the butt-ugly 80s selection in stores these days, it’s worth a few extra dollars to have a pair of sneakers that don’t look like they were borrowed from Punky Brewster’s closet.

And no, they’re not made by Chinese babies in sweat shops. They’re all at least 9 years old. KIDDING! They’re 8.

Check out this hot little number that I just designed over at Nike, or go design your own:

FAN or BAN »

I am BANNING: Store credit cards.

More specifically, I’m banning cashiers from asking me to sign up for one when I’m purchasing TWO DOLLAR’S WORTH OF MERCHANDISE.

Has this happened to you? You’re shopping in Target. You’ve carefully picked out 1 candy bar and some soft boxers to sleep in. You take your items to the front to check out. And inevitably, the cashier asks you, “Would you like to open a Target credit card today? Come on! Do it! You’ll save EIGHTEEN CENTS on your order!”

Me: NO! I DON’T WANT TO OPEN A CREDIT CARD TO SAVE FIFTY-EIGHT CENTS! How ridiculous! Are you a moron?!

All the stores seem to be doing this lately. It doesn’t matter if I’m purchasing a $3 bottle of glue at Home Depot, or a $2 washcloth at Linens N Things… someone is always trying to cram a credit card application up my ass. Enough already! Stop the insanity!