Articles in the MOVIES Category
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Twilight may have started out as a simple book series, but these days, it’s the reason thousands of people are creating ugly, homemade vampire crafts and selling them on the internet. We’ve compiled the top 10 Stupidest Twilight Items on Etsy.com – just in time for the big New Moon release. Enjoy.
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1. I Wish My Daddy Sparkled Onesie (via) Listen, kid. If your daddy sparkled in real life, he’d be married to a guy named Vincent. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. |
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2. “Edward’s Eyes” eyeshadow (via) It may look like a pile of elephant shit, but don’t be fooled. It’s eyeshadow, colored like Edward’s eyes! Wow. That’s a stretch, isn’t it? This bullshit product is desperately trying to link itself to Twilight, just to trick you into spending your money. It was created by an out of touch middle aged woman, and her teen daughter named “Daya.” That says it all. |
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3. Twilight Party PDF Planning Kit (via) If you need a $10 Adobe PDF document to help you plan a Twilight party, you should just kill yourself now. I’m serious. |
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4. Edward Vinyl Wall Decal (via) Even more disturbing than the decal itself is the look on that little girl’s face. What is she, 7 years old? Why the hell is she longingly looking off into the distance like that? Way to exploit a kid to make a sale. |
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5. Twilight Pink Converse Sneakers (via) These ask, “do I dazzle you?” These do something to me, but I don’t know if dazzle is the right word. |
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6. Edward/Bella Text Decal (via) A wall decal that reads: “I’m just a Bella waiting for my Edward.” Guess what? You’re going to be waiting for a very long time. Know why? Because IT’S A FUCKING FAKE MOVIE, YOU MORON. |
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7. Vampire With A Volvo Text Decal (via) Another wall decal from the same seller. This one reads: “Forget a prince with a horse, I want a vampire with a Volvo.” Good luck with that. Let us know how it turns out. |
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8. Sparking Edward Bath Bombs (via) I don’t know exactly what a “sparkling bath bomb” is, but that thing looks like a testicle with a nasty STD. Whatever it is, it has absolutely nothing to do with Twilight. And I certainly don’t want it anywhere near my bathtub. |
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9. “I Drive Like A Cullen” keychain (via) Really? What does that even mean? You stop your Volvo at all railroad crossings? |
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10. Edward Laptop Decal (via) No. You don’t dazzle me. But you do make my $2500 laptop look like a cheap piece of shit, so thanks for that. |
MOVIES »
Every once and awhile, people on Twitter stop talking about what they ate for breakfast long enough to say something useful. That time is now, my friends. Twitterers are coming up with UNSEEN MOVIE PREQUELS, and some of them are pretty funny. These are our favorites:
TOP 10 UNSEEN MOVIE PREQUELS:
Ocean’s One
Drafting Private Ryan
Nothing Particularly Against Bill. Volume 1.
To the Future For the Very First Time
There Could Be Blood
Casper The Friendly Boy
Thursday the 12th
Before Harry Met Sally
Slum Puppy Millionaire
The Lion, the Witch and the Ikea Plastic Drawers
MOVIES »
B3ta.com just ran a photoshop challenge and asked their readers to remake classic movies as porno films. The result? 30 pages of juvenile penis/vagina jokes that will probably make your inner 12 year old laugh. These were my 5 favorites (continued after the jump – very mildly NSFW).
