Yes, America’s Next Top Model is still on the air. Yes, Tyra Banks is still doing ridiculous shit for ratings, like making her models walk down a runway while gigantic gold-plated gongs are swinging at their heads. This week, a contestant named Amanda got her ass kicked – not once, but twice.

Stay tuned next week, when the contestants have to pose for a photo in the passenger seat of a Toyota being driven by Stevie Wonder. I can’t wait!

It was lights – camera – mayhem at Saturday’s 5′7″ and under America’s Next Top Model audition outside NYC’s Park Central Hotel. Witnesses said a fight broke out between two men who had been taunting each other for several hours, and tensions escalated when one of them threatened to return with a gun. The stampede formed after a black BMW backfired on a nearby street, sending thousands of shorties running for their lives and screaming, “it’s a bomb!”

Bottom line: the producers didn’t plan for the massive turnout. Thousands of short women showed up, desperate for a chance to break into the modeling industry, and there wasn’t enough space to accommodate all of them. In the end, three people were arrested, two were hospitalized, and the street was left littered with Payless high heels.

The CW’s response: “An altercation occurred today at a casting call for the next edition of America’s Next Top Model in New York City. Representatives of The CW are working and cooperating with local authorities on the matter.”

This week was MAKEOVER WEEK on Cycle 12 of America’s Next Top Model. The makeovers were really underwhelming and bordered on boring this year. But were the changes for better or for worse? Let’s take a closer look.

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TONIGHT ON AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL… McKey won the whole darn thing! Here’s what you missed:

The final 3 girls (Analeigh, McKey, and Samantha) filmed another live Cover Girl commercial. This time, they actually had to (gasp) MEMORIZE their lines. Analeigh completely choked, and as a result, was sent home.

2. During panel, Tyra had on a HIDEOUS black dress, with oversized pointed Star Trek shoulders. She was clearly using the old “increase shoulder size to make the waist look smaller” trick your mother swore by in the 80s.

Then, last year’s annoying plus-size winner Whitney appeared in yet another Cover Girl commercial, looking awfully Debbie Gibson a la Electric Youth:

Finalists McKey and Samantha competed in a lame runway challenge that looked more like a DOG AGILITY course:

Back to panel for judging, and yet ANOTHER pointy-shouldered, waist-inducing dress from Tyra:

In the most underwhelming finale EVER, Tyra named McKey the winner.

That’s it for this season – we’ll see you in ‘09 for ANTM cycle 12!

[photos: cw network]

Remember Isis, the transgendered contestant on America’s Next Top Model? Yeah, well, on tomorrow’s episode of the Tyra Banks Show, Tyra Banks is… BUYING HER A SEX CHANGE OPERATION.

She didn’t have the penis-removal surgery yet, because it costs between $20,000 to $35,000. But it appears Christmas is coming early for Isis this year, because Tyra is pickin’ up the tab.

Tyra gives her the news, and then, in the most underwhelmed voice possible, Isis replies, “I feel like I’m about to wake up.” She might as well have been saying, “Yes, I’d like to add an egg roll to that order.”

You can catch the entire trainwreck on Tuesday’s episode of the Tyra Banks Show (11/19/08).

TONIGHT ON AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL…

The remaining 4 girls met up with Paulina Porizkova and got some advice on how to sell products without speaking. Marjorie took the opportunity to show off her hideous Cosby sweater…

…and Analeigh did her best “CHARMIN BEAR” impersonation.

Then, just when I thought this season couldn’t get any lamer, the girls were forced to do one of the STUPIDEST challenges I’ve ever seen. They had to run on a treadmill while pretending to be running through the streets of NYC chasing down a cab. They then had to flirt with a male model, and go kiss him after stealing his cab. Somewhere in America, Jillian Michaels screamed to McKee, “GET YOUR HANDS UP OFF THAT TREADMILL BITCH, OR YOU’RE RUNNING ANOTHER MILE!” and then collapsed.

Marjorie then spent the next 20 minutes acting like the spastic social retard that she is:

Finally, the girls did a crazy-haired photo shoot that didn’t really have a theme. Samantha didn’t get sent home, even though she looked like a Dixie Chick on a rainy day:

Thankfully, annoying French Marjorie was the one sent home. I’m thrilled. I could not stand her, or the French accordion they played every time she was on camera.

Stay tuned next week – we’re down to the final three!

[photos: cw network]

TONIGHT ON AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL…

The top five girls went on their Go-See’s in Amsterdam. With signs like these, no wonder they all got lost:

McKey made it to 4 out of 5 Go-See’s, but was 5 minutes late so she was disqualified. Analeigh won the challenge, and took home $18,000 in dresses and wooden Dutch shoes that will look smashing atop her grandmother’s curio cabinet. Marjorie did the worst, and blew the two Go-See’s she actually made it to. She just wandered around in circles, and whined that she had no sense of direction. Is it me, or does her new hair look like Halloween’s Michael Myers?

Tyra Banks then photographed the girls looking “natural” and then shot them looking “fierce.” Tyra Banks took a moment to imitate Miss Jay. Sorry, FAIL. Worst impression ever. It looked like she just inhaled cinnamon:

Back at Top Model headquarters, Tyra worked her best “use the photos to hide the stomach fat” pose:

Annoying Marjorie and Elina were in the bottom two, but ultimately, Tyra sent ELINA home.

Stay tuned next week – we’re down to the final four! I’m counting down the minutes until annoying Marjorie is sent home!

[photos: cw network]