CLOSE TO ZERO, HUMOR/SATIRE, TELEVISION »

FRIDAY = CLOSE TO ZERO! This week, it’s the 30 ROCK edition:

1. Chance “BLURG” will be added to Webster’s Dictionary this year: CLOSE TO ZERO!

2. Laughs Salma Hayek got during her guest appearances: CLOSE TO ZERO!

3. Minutes Jack can tolerate his mother without losing it: CLOSE TO ZERO!

4. Jenna Maloney’s self-confidence: CLOSE TO ZERO!

5. Number of boobs Kenneth has touched: CLOSE TO ZERO!

6. Tina Fey’s actual dance moves (bless her heart): CLOSE TO ZERO!

7. Times you’ll see the top of Frank’s head: CLOSE TO ZERO!

8. Lines Grizz and Dot Com get every week: CLOSE TO ZERO!

9. Chance you’d live after being operated on by Dr. Spaceman: CLOSE TO ZERO!

10. Chance Tina Fey will reply to your Twitter message: CLOSE TO ZERO!

[To see other "Close To Zero" topics, click here! Enjoy!]

CLOSE TO ZERO, HUMOR/SATIRE, TELEVISION »

FRIDAY = CLOSE TO ZERO! This week, it’s the BRADY BUNCH edition:

1. Stores that will be selling a mustard one-piece jumpsuit in 2009: CLOSE TO ZERO!

2. Meals Carol could be bothered to cook for her family: CLOSE TO ZERO!

3. Number of episodes cousin Oliver was in: CLOSE TO ZERO!

4. Alice’s bowling average: CLOSE TO ZERO!

CLOSE TO ZERO, HUMOR/SATIRE, TELEVISION »

FRIDAY = CLOSE TO ZERO! This week, it’s the REALITY TV edition:

1. Percent chance you got a Christmas card from Tim Gunn: CLOSE TO ZERO!

2. Average penis length (in inches) of the BROMANCE cast: CLOSE TO ZERO!

3. People who watched True Beauty on ABC: CLOSE TO ZERO!

4. Days a relationship lasts once The Bachelor stops filming: CLOSE TO ZERO!

CLOSE TO ZERO, HUMOR/SATIRE »

FRIDAY = CLOSE TO ZERO! This week, it’s the EBAY/Paypal edition… because good God, I hate them both:

1. Number of places where eBay/Paypal list their “customer support” phone numbers: CLOSE TO ZERO!

2. Number of minutes you can work on Turbolister before it crashes your computer: CLOSE TO ZERO!

3. Chance Paypal will grant that claim in your favor: CLOSE TO ZERO!

4. Number of bids on THIS “Retro Mermaid Tampon Holder“: CLOSE TO ZERO!

CLOSE TO ZERO, HUMOR/SATIRE »

FRIDAY = CLOSE TO ZERO! This week, it’s the BLACK FRIDAY edition:

1. People who know why the hell it’s really called Black Friday: CLOSE TO ZERO!

2. Resolution on that $128 Magnavox Blu-Ray player at Wal-Mart: CLOSE TO ZERO!

3. Air quality inside your local Bath and Body Works: CLOSE TO ZERO!

4. Gift boxes left at Macys at 11 AM: CLOSE TO ZERO!

CLOSE TO ZERO, HUMOR/SATIRE »

It’s Friday… that means tomorrow is Saturday, AND it’s time for another edition of Close To Zero. This time, it’s all things New York City:

1. Chance you’ll run into Tina Fey on the street: CLOSE TO ZERO!

2. Chance they’ll let you ring the opening bell at the NYSE, even if you “ask really nicely”: CLOSE TO ZERO!

3. Number of authentic bags being sold by that street vendor on Canal Street: CLOSE TO ZERO!

4. Number of actual New Yorkers at the top of the Statue Of Liberty: CLOSE TO ZERO!

CLOSE TO ZERO, FOOD, HUMOR/SATIRE, TELEVISION »

It’s Friday… time for another edition of Close To Zero! This time, we’re comin’ for you, Food Network:

1. Chance you’ll be able to replicate that Alton Brown recipe: CLOSE TO ZERO!

2. Weight (in ounces) of Bobby Flay’s balls: CLOSE TO ZERO!

3. Chance Rachael Ray washed that carrot: CLOSE TO ZERO!

4. Chance Barefoot Contessa is really barefoot: CLOSE TO ZERO!

5. How much work Duff Goldman does on each episode of Ace Of Cakes: CLOSE TO ZERO!