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For those of you wondering what happened to Big Daddy’s House on the Food Network, it was not canceled. It’s just on hiatus. The awful show has been picked up for a full season, and new episodes will begin annoying you airing in January 09.

Aaron McCargo’s win on the Next Food Network Star competition set the blog world abuzz with posts of disbelief and shock. Week after week on the show, he faded into the background, and even worse, he always seemed moments from wetting his pants whenever the camera started rolling. He was awkward, nervous, and uncomfortable to watch.

His performances on the first 6 episodes of Big Daddy’s House were no different. He talked too fast, he seemed nervous and inexperienced, and his English was terrible. He annoyingly talked about himself in the 3rd person (”Big Daddy marinades his meat for 2 days,” or “Big Daddy uses only the freshest cheeses”). Oh, and by the way, his food looked… REVOLTING. He simply melted cheese and butter together and poured it over stuff, and expected the people watching at home to swoon.

Bottom line: McCargo isn’t entertaining, enchanting, or engaging. He bores me to tears, and I won’t be watching his show.

To those of you who will be trying his recipes, may I suggest you purchase some of these before doing so?

Happy eating!

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Remember good ol’ Adam Gertler? The guy who lost to Aaron McCargo Jr on Next Food Network Star? The guy who should have won the competition to begin with?

Well guess what? He’s getting his own show too. It’s called Will Work for Food, and it will premiere in January 2009 on the Food Network.

Bob Tuschman, the senior VP for programming for Food Network (AKA “the stupid guy who picked McCargo”) offered this statement:

“On ‘The Next Food Network Star,’ Adam exhibited a unique combination of quick wit, passion for food and an engaging personality. “He earned millions of fans across the country, who have let us know that we have a second star in our midst. We feel this series is a perfect fit for his talents, letting him showcase his brand of humor while he works for food.”

Who wants to bet Aaron McCargo Jr will be off the air by then? His show “Big Daddy’s House” is awful and unwatchable. I haven’t seen that much grease since the time I let Lionel Richie borrow my pillow.

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Aaron McCargo Jr, winner of “The Next Food Network Star”, will be back on TV on Sunday with the premiere of his new show, “Big Daddy’s House.”

According to Big Daddy’s website:

Aaron brings a down-to-earth vibe and warm smile to the kitchen while whipping up mouth-watering recipes inspired by many years of culinary experience and his fun-loving family. Expect big food and big fun on Big Daddy’s House.

McCargo’s win set the blog world abuzz with posts of disbelief and shock. Week after week on “The Next Food Network Star,” he faded into the background, and even worse, he always seemed moments from wetting his pants whenever the camera started rolling. He was awkward, nervous, and uncomfortable to watch.

One commenter named Mark said, “He seemed to do badly every week, yet the judges were tripping over themselves to find ways to excuse his mistakes.” Swimmer Bill said, “I believe Aaron won because the Food Network doesn’t want to renew the contract of the winner after six episodes.”

Will Aaron succeed? Or will his nerves get the best of him yet again? Tune in to find out. Big Daddy’s House airs Sundays at 1:30pm/12:30c on Food Network.

Can’t wait that long? Here are some pictures of Aaron’s “BIG DADDY” set, courtesy of The Food Network:

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The Finale: Episode Review

Are we being punked? Did Aaron McCargo Jr (aka marble mouth) really just win The Next Food Network Star? The hospital chef who cooked nothing but pasta and spiced chicken? The guy with zero personality who was more nervous in front of the camera than Richard Gere while filming that nude scene in the cold shower? The contestant who was continually in the bottom 2 because he sucked harder than a Dyson at every challenge?! THE GUY WHO BOMBED HARDER THAN CARROT TOP IN FRONT OF THE LIVE AUDIENCE LAST WEEK?! What a joke! I feel robbed! The worst contestant won! I want the last 9 weeks of my life back!

And what the hell is he holding in that picture to the left? A cupcake candle with a wick??? It looks revolting and unedible… something he made, undoubtedly.

Here’s what went down on tonight’s episode before the Food Network judges made the biggest mistake of the century: The final 3 contestants had to shoot 4 1/2 minute pilots on Rachael Ray’s sound stage. Lisa’s show was called “Beautiful Basics” and the pilot came out great. She was at her finest, and I thought it was the best she’s been all year. She told stories about fishing with her dad and cooking when she was 13 years old with her mom. I did notice a hideous, trashy looking black peace dove tattoo on her left wrist. And while her pilot was well done, her face still disturbs me. She’s constantly squinting, like she’s been constipated since 1997.

Adam cooked beercan chicken on his pilot, called “Hungry In Philadelphia.” He came up with the idea to interact with people live on the internet during his show. His pilot was hands down the best, even though he had to deal with constant questions and bickering from the obnoxious, fake woman on the “live” webcam chat. I think she was planted there by Food Network to try to make Adam tank, since they knew they wanted Aaron all along. But no such luck. Adam owned it, and he breezed through his pilot. It was the most entertaining, the most informative, and he should have won this show… despite poor Adam having an annoying “backseat cooker” in the kitchen with him on the monitor (”…WHY ARE YOU USING PAPRIKA? SHOULDN’T YOU BE USING RED PEPPER FLAKES?”)

Aaron McCargo Jr was up next, and his pilot was called (laughing)… “Big Daddy’s Kitchen.” What the hell is this? A cooking show, or a 2nd rate Adam Sandler movie? No words could explain how awful Aaron… excuse me, BIG DADDY… was in front on the camera. He was talking way too fast, mumbling incoherent words, and flailing his hands all over the place the place like he was Robin Williams in The Birdcage. Even worse, as he was cooking, he was swinging his steak knife to and fro like he was Jack The Ripper. Watch out BIG DADDY, you could take someone’s eye out.

During his pilot, Aaron exclaimed, “I’m Big Daddy, and I’m gonna make you want what I got.” Um, I’m thinking no. Unless you have a magic wand that will transform you into someone entertaining and informative, you can keep what you’ve got.

Back home at the Food Network Studios, in front of a packed house of 11 or so people, Bobby Flay and the gang named the winner of The Next Food Network Star 2008… obviously, Aaron McCargo Jr. Cut to a shot of balloons falling, graffiti blowing around, and me crying in my lap. Aaron’s show, “BIG DADDY’S HOUSE,” will air on Sunday, August 3rd.

Roll the credits, I feel robbed. Over and out.

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Week 8 Episode Review

On tonight’s episode of The Next Food Network Star: no one was sent home. Repeat, NO ONE WAS SENT HOME.

I’m sort of bitter about that. I invested an hour of my life into this show. I wanted to see tears and elimination at the end, damn it! It’s like watching an episode of Intervention and not getting an update on how the person is doing at the end. Life can be so cruel.

The episode opened with the final 3 contestants – Adam, Aaron, and Lisa – at the Venetian hotel in Las Vegas for their first challenge. All of a sudden, an especially bloated Guy Fieri appeared and told them they’d have to perform 30 second, scripted promos in front of the camera. Cut to a shot of Aaron looking more uncomfortable than Ugly Betty in front of a 3-way mirror.

The promo commercials were unintentionally funny. Lisa, dressed in all black, was in a harness in a wine tower as cables slowly lifted her up and down. She couldn’t remember her lines, and butchered the ones she did remember. It wasn’t pretty.

Aaron’s performance was no better. He was on the casino floor and really struggled, since he had to, you know, WALK AND TALK at the same time. He nervously mumbled his way through it. You literally couldn’t tell if he was aying “Aaron McCargo Jr” or “I’m an orange juice user.” He actually WINKED at the camera towards the end, and it was so gross. He reminded me of a smarmy used car salesman that you wouldn’t buy a hubcap from.

Adam was the best of the three, and nailed his performance on stage with Jubliee Show Girls. He had to master his lines, learn choreography, and interact with other people. It was clearly the hardest of the 3, and he hit it out of the park.

During the second half of the show, the final 3 created “lavish monster buffets” with a little help from sous chefs (and ex contestants) Kelsey, Jennifer, and Shane. They were told they’d be cooking and performing for “very special guests” – who turned out to be show girls, pirates, drag queens, Danny Gans, Spamalot castmembers, and Wynn Hotel chefs.

For the entertainment portion of the evening, Lisa got up and sang a little song (she actually wasn’t bad), and Adam let me down by simply talking about how he prepared his food. Aaron, however, was simply AWFUL. He tried to do stand-up comedy and IT WAS PAINFUL TO WATCH. It was literally one of the most embarrassing things I’ve ever seen on TV. He stood up and said, and I quote, “I have an eating disorder, I’ve been walking around with forks. I heard you can help me. You won’t help me? Who are you people?” (crickets chirping) It was a BOMB of epic proportions and he should have been sent home as a result of it.

Why is Aaron even on this show? He sucks in front of the camera. And… he’s a chef at a HOSPITAL for the love of God! Everyone knows hospitals have the worst food ever. I rest my case.

Elimination time! The judges said it was the most difficult decision they have ever had to make (yeah yeah, judges say that every week). They then said they were going to do something they’ve never done before (no, not letting Rachael Ray appear on TV without a girdle). They decided not to send anyone home. Aaron, Adam, and Lisa will all be going back to New York for the finale show next week.

During the preview for next week’s episode, I couldn’t help but notice Adam looked much chunkier than normal. I also couldn’t help but notice it looked like he was hugging someone in front of a bunch of balloons. Could it be he is the winner of The Next Food Network Star?

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Week 7 Episode Review

Hopefully, 23 year old Kelsey Nixon learned about rejection in culinary school; the self-dubbed “mini Martha Stewart” was eliminated from the cast of The Next Food Network Star tonight.

Before she was kicked to the curb, Kelsey and the other finalists, Adam, Aaron, and Lisa, headed to Las Vegas to complete in this week’s challenge. Cut to stock video footage of slot machines, the Bellagio fountains, and toothless hookers getting solicited by men in 3-piece suits. They checked into their hotel, lounged around in robes that cost more than their cars, and then met Bobby Flay at his restaurant, the Mesa Grill. Suddenly and without warning, Paula Deen appeared and started talking about how “food is the one common denominator” between all races and religions. Yes, Paula, but is it divisible by 10?

The final four then competed in a THROWDOWN, Bobby Flay style. The point? To beat the other person at their own signature dish. Each person had to cook two dishes in 75 minutes while fielding questions from the panel and from Dayna Devon from Extra. My first thought? Impossible! These four can hardly cook a grilled cheese while remaining personable and camera-friendly. Let’s start slow, Food Network. See if they can chew gum while beating an egg, and then progress from there.

In the first round, it was Lisa’s cassoulet versus Adam’s mac & cheese. Upon hearing he’d have to cook a cassoulet, “comfort food guy” Adam looked more uncomfortable than Ellen Degeneres in a lace wedding dress. Meanwhile, in her corner of the kitchen, Lisa had more intensity than a category 5 storm off the Gulf of Mexico. She was acting like a crazy person, stirring beans and whipping cheese with a frenzy that disturbed me to my very core. She ultimately calmed down enough to do a good interview with Dayna, and in the end, she and Adam won over the judges with their signature dishes.

In the second round, it was Kelsey’s chicken parmigiana versus Aaron’s stuffed pork loin. Aaron once again struggled with letting his personality shine, and was completely unable to talk while cooking. He literally stopped what he was doing anytime anyone asked him a question. On the other hand, Kelsey wouldn’t shut up. She mentioned “culinary school” yet again – the kiss of death for judges who have already warned her about mentioning it, as they’ve been plagued by her inexperience since day one. The judges hated both of her dishes, and said Aaron’s tasted better and were more appealing.

I couldn’t help but say to myself, WHO CARES what the food tastes like? People who watch the Food Network can’t tell what the food tastes like. It’s about finding enjoyable, engaging, intelligent personalities… not about finding someone who can make a moist chicken. But I digress.

In the end, the judges decided they couldn’t look past Kelsey’s inexperience and her annoying, bubbly personality, so they sent her home. Through tears, she said, “I now know for my career I will be cooking on television.” Well, uh, since the FOOD NETWORK didn’t want you, good luck with your guest appearances on PBS.

Stay tuned for next week’s episode, when Next Food Network Star – Season 2 winner Guy Fieri shows up and mentors the final 3. We’re getting down to the wire. Who do you want to see win?

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Bye bye, Shane Lyons. Sucks to be you.

The 20-year old dweeb was thrown off The Next Food Network Star last night faster than Bobby Flay’s make-up artist to the cold sore on his lip (did you see that thing?! It needed its own zip code.) Shane tanked during his 4-minute food-prep presentation on the Rachael Ray show, and was completely unable to relate to his assigned 8-year old Girl Scout co-host.

Bottom line: this dude isn’t even old enough to cook with beer, so why the hell is he competing to be the next Food Network star? What’s his signature dish? O’Douls battered chicken wings? YUM-O! Can I have seconds?

If this DORK looks familiar to you, it might be because he was a former child star. In 2004, he actually won a Kid’s Choice Award for his challenging work on the Nickelodeon show ALL THAT. He now runs his own catering company in Los Angeles and “dabbles” in acting… though I’m not sure who would actually hire him. On camera, he’s more nervous and uncomfortable than somebody who had to board a plane on 9/12.

On next week’s show: The final 4 contestants fly to Vegas, and Paula Deen stops eating pure Crisco long enough to make a guest appearance on the show, y’all.