The NY Daily News is reporting Ben Stiller fell and broke his hand during a skiing accident. Ben’s rep has denied the incident, saying the cast is just a prop for his upcoming sequel: “There’s Something About Metacarpals.”

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt ARE NOT MARRIED! And I still have no idea who they are. I just know I want them to die.

Madonna spent $7500 on Spanish wine laced with silver. So either she’s the most frivolous person ever, or she’s trying to woo – and kill – a vampire.

LAME TV ALERT: Fox is developing a show called “Bitches” – about a group of 4 NYC women who are werewolves. Oddly enough, I think I went to dinner with them last week.

Look! A picture of a rabbit  born with no ears!

Other posts on Pophangover:

1. ABUSE THE NEWS – 10/27/08
2. ABUSE THE NEWS – 12/10/08
3. ABUSE THE NEWS – 9/12/08
4. ABUSE THE NEWS: 10/3/08
5. ABUSE THE NEWS – 9/17/08

.
.

.
.

.
.

.
.

.
.


.
.

.
.

.
.

.
.

.
.

.
.

.
.

.
.

.
.

Other posts on Pophangover:

1. The World’s Most Unintentionally Inappropriate Statues (26 Pics)
2. Top 5 Best (And Worst) Places To Bungee Jump
3. A Day At The Met: THEN vs NOW
4. 10 More Appropriate Jobs For Sarah Palin
5. Reborn As Porn Movie Challenge

Jessica Simpson is “convinced” Tony Romo is going to propose. Whatever. He should propose she move to Guam.

Somebody stole Dukes of Hazzard star John Schneider’s dogs! Oh the inhumanity! They were just some good ol’ dogs, never meanin’ no harm.

Lauri Waring Peterson left the Bravo show Real Housewives of Orange County to help her son recover from his heroin addiction. And to decorate her new 853,000 square foot house.

GUYS, YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG: A woman in China partially lost her hearing as a result of “passionate kisses” from her boyfriend. And somewhere in America, Mary Chapin Carpenter started learning sign language as a precautionary measure.

Other posts on Pophangover:

1. ABUSE THE NEWS – 10/21/08
2. ABUSE THE NEWS – 9/29/08
3. ABUSE THE NEWS: 10/3/08
4. ABUSE THE NEWS: 10/4/08
5. ABUSE THE NEWS – 10/14/08

ACTUAL HEADLINE: Jonas Brothers to Star in Farting Dog Movie (via US Mag)
TRANSLATION: The dogs aren’t actually the ones farting… they are.

ACTUAL HEADLINE: Christina Aguilera Keeps Getting Better! (via ET)
TRANSLATION: The new video stinks. Aguilera’s publicists must have bribed the ET editors with new iPhones.

ACTUAL HEADLINE: LL Cool J Drops Out Of Janet Jackson’s Tour (via ET)
TRANSLATION: It’s Janet… Miss Jackson if you’re totally screwed without an opening act.

ACTUAL HEADLINE: Obama Tries To Close The Deal In Pennsylvania (via Time)
TRANSLATION: Obama knows he’s got Pennsylvania in the bag. He just really wanted a Philly cheese steak.

ACTUAL HEADLINE: Police Seek Clues In Slayings Of Hudson Relatives (via AP)
TRANSLATION: Unfortunately, the bumbling police don’t have a clue who killed the Hudson relatives.

Other posts on Pophangover:

1. ABUSE THE NEWS – 10/27/08
2. ABUSE THE NEWS – 9/29/08
3. ABUSE THE NEWS – 10/21/08
4. ABUSE THE NEWS – 9/12/08
5. ABUSE THE NEWS – 12/23/08

ACTUAL HEADLINE: David Beckham: I Will ‘Never’ Be a Movie Star (via People)
TRANSLATION: David Beckham is worse at acting than Pauly Shore.

ACTUAL HEADLINE: Christina Aguilera to Debut New Video on the Web (via People)
TRANSLATION: No one would pay Christinia Aguilera to debut her new video on TV.

ACTUAL HEADLINE: Tom Cruise Roasts Matt Lauer (via EW)
TRANSLATION: Tom left the house alone? Katie must be in bed with the flu.

ACTUAL HEADLINE: Cindy Crawford Dresses As Amy Winehouse For Halloween via (Daily Mail)
TRANSLATION: The Sarah Palin costumes in Hollywood were all rented out.

ACTUAL HEADLINE: Alaska’s Biggest Newspaper Endorses Obama (via Eurweb)
TRANSLATION: The editor of Alaska’s biggest newspaper will soon be out of a job.

ACTUAL HEADLINE: FBI says body found is that of Jennifer Hudson’s nephew (via AP)
TRANSLATION: The cops have about 2 days to solve this crime before the shit really hits the fan.
.

Other posts on Pophangover:

1. ABUSE THE NEWS – 10/28/08
2. ABUSE THE NEWS – 9/29/08
3. ABUSE THE NEWS – 9/12/08
4. ABUSE THE NEWS – 10/21/08
5. ABUSE THE NEWS: 10/3/08

NBC is moving Lipstick Jungle to Friday Night at 10 pm . No word if they’ll also be renaming the show “Lipstick Graveyard.”

Rapper Coolio, who claims his divorce left him pennyless, will soon be selling egg rolls from FAST FOOD CARTS outside Los Angeles nightclubs. Great, but do they contain MSG?

Manuel Uribe, the world’s fattest man, got married yesterday. He was carried to his wedding on the back of a flatbed truck. Luckily, Uribe found a loophole in his AAA Roadside Assistance package that ended up saving him a bundle on transportation costs.

Amy Poehler had her baby, 8-lb Archie Arnett, on Saturday… shocking everyone who thought she’d be giving birth to a baby slightly larger than Gary Coleman.

Other posts on Pophangover:

1. ABUSE THE NEWS: 10/4/08
2. ABUSE THE NEWS – 9/29/08
3. ABUSE THE NEWS: 10/3/08
4. ABUSE THE NEWS – 10/14/08
5. ABUSE THE NEWS – 10/21/08

Gina Gershon claims she was haunted by a heavyset, bald ghost in his underwear while she was in college, that left her “unable to sleep.” Whatever. We were all haunted by heavyset, bald guys in college that left us unable to sleep. They were called our “chemistry professors.”

Scientists have developed a robotic plant pot that automatically moves around the room searching for the best sunlight. Tom Cruise is said to be working closely with scientists to develop a robotic plant pot that automatically follows Katie Holmes around town.

Barack Obama was declared the winner at the Nickelodeon’s Kids’ Vote election. When Obama was asked if this was good news for his campaign, he said, “I don’t know.” He then got slimed.

Police arrested an 89-year old woman after she refused to give back a football thrown in her yard by neighborhood children. She is reportedly writing a tell-all book about the incident, called “Take That, Sonny!”

Goodbye, Zima! MilllerCoors announced they’ll no longer be making the beverage after October 10, 2008. Quick Tip: to replicate Zima’s unique flavor, obtain a bedpan from your local senior center and pour its contents into a bottle of Smirnoff Ice. You’ll never know the difference.

Police arrested a man in Saginaw, Michigan after he was caught pleasuring himself with a vacuum at a car wash. When asked why he would do such a thing, the man replied, “My Dyson was clogged for the 6th time this month.”

Scientists found that the Bee Gee’s tune Staying Alive has the perfect beat to do CPR to . Unless, of course, you need to slow things down for a patient like Amy Winehouse. If so, use Mandy by Barry Manilow.

Other posts on Pophangover:

1. ABUSE THE NEWS – 9/29/08
2. ABUSE THE NEWS: 10/4/08
3. ABUSE THE NEWS: 10/3/08
4. ABUSE THE NEWS – 10/14/08
5. ABUSE THE NEWS – 10/27/08

Ringo Starr is too busy to read his fan mail! He officially hates your guts. If you’re wondering what he’s “too busy doing,” we’ve compiled a list for your viewing pleasure.

You simply must look at this terrifying photo of Repliee R-1… a child Robot developed at Osaka University. This thing makes me want to invite Chuckie over to cuddle.

Margaret Cho was recently named KOREAN OF THE YEAR. What an honor! Ryan Seacrest said that “more votes were cast than ever before” and also that “this was the closest competition in history. Word on the street is that she beat Kim Dae-Jung by just 4 votes.

The Victorias Secret Fashion Show will be back on CBS on December 3rd. The special will be broadcast from the Fontainebleau Miami Beach hotel, which has undergone a multi-million dollar makeover. Coincidentally, so did most of the models who will be featured in the show.

A Bull Durham sequel may be in the works. The cast couldn’t be reached for comment, due to the fact that I didn’t try to contact them.

Shannen Doherty will be back on the new 90210. She agreed to do 2 more episodes in November. She was West Beverly High’s “musical director” during her earlier stint on the show. Since the Spring Awakening play is over, Doherty will reportedly be playing “An Out Of Work High School Musical Director.”

Marcia Brady went on The Today Show and said the word “syphilis” more times in 3 minutes than my Health teacher during my entire high school tenure.

Other posts on Pophangover:

1. Shannen Doherty’s New 90210 Role: Musical Director!?
2. ABUSE THE NEWS – 10/27/08
3. ABUSE THE NEWS: 10/3/08
4. ABUSE THE NEWS – 9/29/08
5. ABUSE THE NEWS: 10/4/08

WTF? Are these just playthings for creepy, old, reproductively challenged women who are allergic to cats? Hell no. I wouldn’t want that thing staring at me. Ever.

OJ Simpson: found guilty of armed robbery and kidnapping. Sentencing is in December, but he’s looking at 15-life. The creepy part? He was found guilty thirteen years to the day of his acquittal for murders of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman (insert Twilight Zone music here).

Elizabeth Hurley is launching her own line of organic food. Great. Look for $19 Hurley-branded broccoli coming to a Whole Foods near you. (Doesn’t she have enough money? Does she really need more?)

There are rumors that a Will & Grace spin-off with Jack and Karen is in the works!

Britney Spears is creating a bunch of work-out videos for overweight women to “sorta” follow along to, and then give up on after not developing Britney’s abs after 3 sessions.

Tina Fey signed a book deal. The money details haven’t been leaked yet, but you can bet she won’t need to start an organic food line for extra cash like certain other celebrities mentioned in this post (wink, wink).

Harrison Ford says George Lucas is in “think mode” on another Indiana Jones film. Great. I hope he’s “thinking” about how badly the last one sucked.

In my favorite news of the day, Justine Bateman is making a guest appearance on Showtime’s Californication on November 9th. Excuse me while I go find my VHS copy of “Satisfaction” with Justine Bateman, Julia Roberts, and Liam Neeson: “Like the wind talks to the trees… with its warm, whispering breeze…”

Other posts on Pophangover:

1. ABUSE THE NEWS: 10/3/08
2. ABUSE THE NEWS – 10/27/08
3. ABUSE THE NEWS – 9/29/08
4. ABUSE THE NEWS – 10/14/08
5. ABUSE THE NEWS – 10/21/08

Rachael Ray is supposedly having surgery to remove a benign growth in her throat. She won’t be able to speak for 2 months. Imagine that – two peaceful, glorious months going by without hearing her overpowering, obnoxious voice on your TV. Wouldn’t that be pure bliss? Too bad there are reruns.

A new Silent Hill video game is being released on September 30th, and it looks scary as hell. Silent Hill: Homecoming has gotten rave reviews. I can’t wait to get my hands on it.

I’m a big fan of the band Snow Patrol. They have a new album coming out on October 28th,  but the first single, “Take Back The City,” sounds awful and I HATE IT! You can hear it for yourself on YouTube. The melody is dreadful, and the lyrics are LAME. Who exactly am I taking the city back from?

TMZ claims to have leaked the cast of the new Celebrity Apprentice. The “celebrities” include Claudia Jordan, a Deal or No Deal briefcase girl. If that’s not the bottom of the barrel, what is?

The other BORING contestants on this season of Celebrity Apprentice: Brian McKnight – singer, Tom Green – comic, Khloe Kardashian – sister of someone who just got her ass thrown off of Dancing with the Stars, Dennis Rodman – freak of nature, Melissa Rivers – annoying chick with annoying mother, Joan Rivers – annoying chick with annoying daughter, Andrew Dice Clay – the worlds unfunniest comic, T-Boz – member of the R&B group TLC, Herschel Walker – football player, Scott Hamilton – boring ice skater, Annie Duke – pro poker player (WHO?), Clint Blank – country singer (since Trace Adkins was so popular), Natalie Gulbis – golfer (WHO???????????), Brande Roderick- actress (Sorry, never heard of her), and Jesse James – motorcycle dude married to Sandra Bullock.

What’s that? You haven’t seen the huge gold statue of Kate Moss and her crotch yet?

Some crazy bitch bought a house on eBay for $1.75. The house is in Saginaw, which is a shithole town in Michigan. She has to pay $850 in back taxes and cleanup of the property, then she plans on reselling it. For what, $2 on eBay this time around? People are insane.

Rosie O’Donnell is getting a variety show on NBC. It will air live from New York on the night before Thanksgiving, Nov. 26 at 8 p.m. I like Rosie. I think she’s genuine and real. But a variety show? Come on. They suck. I don’t think project will be Comin’ Up Rosie for NBC (bad pun intended).

Top Chef: New York is comin’ back on November 12, and I’m excited. It’s one of my favorite shows. Check out the Pophangover Top Chef page for your first look at the contestants!

First it was Kid Rock with his own beer line… now Kenny Chesney is getting his own line of RUM. Look for it in… 2010. Thanks, but I’ll be sticking with my Malibu. Hey, wait a minute, didn’t this guy just sing about giving up alcohol in his song “The Good Stuff?” Blabbering with the bartender whose wife died, blah blah blah? I guess money talks, eh Kenny?

And now, it’s time for another installment of “What Jill Won’t Be Watching” – THE PARTRIDGE FAMILY v2.0. It is currently being remade into a new series for NBC. Whyyyy?

THE LAMEST THING I’VE HEARD ALL MONTH: A bunch of bored people are going to be re-creating the parade scene from the movie Ferris Bueller. The organization, Project Bueller, is planning a Village Halloween Parade and they’re predicting “tens of thousands of people breaking out into the world’s largest Beatles sing-a-long.” Sounds like fun. If you’re mentally handicapped.

Did you catch the vice presidential debate last night? Joe Biden clearly won. My two cents: certain press outlets need to stop kissing Sarah Palin’s ass. She spent 3 weeks getting coached by the best in the business, and even with all that help, she STILL didn’t do well. She just did better than everyone thought she would. Sorry, that’s not enough in my book. Hey Sarah, I hear Wasilla is looking for a new 4th grade elementary school room mother. You might be want to submit your resume.

Other posts on Pophangover:

1. ABUSE THE NEWS – 9/29/08
2. ABUSE THE NEWS – 10/27/08
3. ABUSE THE NEWS: 10/4/08
4. ABUSE THE NEWS – 10/14/08
5. ABUSE THE NEWS – 10/21/08