Stay tuned next week, when the contestants have to pose for a photo in the passenger seat of a Toyota being driven by Stevie Wonder. I can’t wait!

Other posts on Pophangover:

1. VIDEO: A Collection Of Runway Falls & Disasters
2. America’s Next Top Model 11: Episode 10 Recap (Go-See’s)
3. America’s Next Top Model 11: Episode 7 Recap (”Fiercee Awards”)
4. America’s Next Top Model 11: Episode 5 Recap (”Fierce Eyes”)
5. America’s Next Top Model 11: Episode 6 Recap (”Natural Beauty”)

If you’re watching American Idol tonight, or are looking for a show recap tomorrow, check out WE HATE IDOL’s live-blog! You’ll find episode photos, performance rundowns, and snarky commentary from Jillian Madison. We’ll see you there.

Other posts on Pophangover:

1. American Idol Season 8 Premiere
2. LIVE BLOGGING : American Idol Group 2
3. UPDATE: Syesha Mercado voted off American Idol
4. American Idol Lookalikes
5. American Idol According To Dish Network

Other posts on Pophangover:

1. America’s Next Top Model Cycle 12: Meet The Contestants
2. VIDEO: Meet YouTube’s Newest Sensation, Maestrohammer
3. FIRST LOOK: Top Chef New York Cast
4. CW Coins Corniest Tag Line Ever For New Melrose Place
5. Dear Biggest Loser Contestants: What’s With The Whole “Arms In The Air” Thing?

	BRADEN Our First Impression: rejected soap opera actor. Hair gel, two watches, and a smug smile? All the signs are there: this tool must have a tiny peen.
	CASEY Our First Impression: Wal-Mart jewelry department manager
	CHIMA Our First Impression: The transvestite was figurine of Diana Ross

	JEFF Our First Impression: camp counselor for kids age 5-8 (or, the Crocodile Hunter in training)
	JORDAN Our First Impression: she looks like everybody and nobody, all at once. BORING.
	KEVIN Our First Impression: why does this tool have one of Rosie O’Donnell’s old flannel shirts wrapped around his neck?
	LAURA Our First Impression: poor Laura… too old for the Junior Miss pageant circuit and too dumb for Miss America
	LYDIA Our First Impression: wait a minute, who let Brigitte Nielsen back on television?
	MICHELLE Our First Impression: why is my grandmother’s dental hygienist on Big Brother?
	NATALIE Our First Impression: can she not afford shirts? Or a hair brush? (Oh, and I love her chunky brown headband from 1993. OR NOT.)
	RONNIE Our First Impression: this guy enjoys a humble existence in his mother’s basement, where he spends his days fashioning doll clothes out of HER SKIN.
	RUSSELL Our First Impression: what a gigantic tool. His nickname is “Russell the Love Muscle.” And honestly, that’s funnier than anything I could have possibly written here.

(photos courtesy of CBS)

Other posts on Pophangover:

1. Big Brother 10: New Housemates Revealed
2. And The Big Brother 10 Winner Is…
3. VIDEO: Big Brother 10 Housemates Survive LA Earthquake – OHMIGAWD!
4. Big Brother 10: Michelle AND Ollie Evicted
5. Big Brother 10: Michelle nominates 2 for eviction

Other posts on Pophangover:

1. Nicole Kidman at the Country Music Awards
2. WE HATE IDOL: American Idol Live Photo-Blog
3. Attention: Internet
4. BOBBY KICKED OFF HELL’S KITCHEN – Episode #411
5. Kim Zolciak Has A New Blog – Let’s Make Fun Of It

(Work THAT into a routine, honey.)

Other posts on Pophangover:

1. So You Think You Can Dance Winner: JOSHUA
2. Jillian Michaels Admits She’s Open To Bisexuality, Surprising Exactly NO ONE
3. UPDATE: Rayven and Jamie kicked off Dance
4. Jillian Michaels Designing Fitness Bootcamp Game For Wii Fit
5. UPDATE: Susie and Marquis kicked off Dance

Bottom line: the producers didn’t plan for the massive turnout. Thousands of short women showed up, desperate for a chance to break into the modeling industry, and there wasn’t enough space to accommodate all of them. In the end, three people were arrested, two were hospitalized, and the street was left littered with Payless high heels.

The CW’s response: “An altercation occurred today at a casting call for the next edition of America’s Next Top Model in New York City. Representatives of The CW are working and cooperating with local authorities on the matter.”

Other posts on Pophangover:

1. Kelly Knox: Winner of Britain’s “Disabled Model” Show
2. Obesity Across America
3. VIDEO: America’s Next Top Model Falls – Twice – On Runway
4. VIDEO: Isis, the tranny on America’s Next Top Model
5. America’s Next Top Model 11: Episode 11 Recap (The Top 4)

Other posts on Pophangover:

1. America’s Next Top Model Cycle 12: Meet The Contestants
2. Obesity Across America
3. America’s Next Top Model 11: Episode 3 Recap
4. FIRST LOOK: America’s Next Top Model 11 Contestants (including a tranny!)
5. Natalie Maines Shaved Her Head

You’ve speculated! You’ve googled! You’ve theorized! You’ve seen the spoilers! And now, the wait is finally over. Which girl will get Jason’s final rose? Melissa or Molly? OR DEANNA?

I’m Jillian Madison, and I’ll be live-blogging tonight’s Bachelor season finale. Let’s do it!

8:03: Jason and his son Ty: REUNITED AND IT FEELS SOOOOO GOOD.

8:05: Melissa, Ty, and Jason are playing golf. She should have borrowed one of Molly’s argyle sweater vests.

Melissa is talking down to Ty like he’s a 4 year old. Oh, wait…

8:06: Jason left the golf course, and showed up 3 seconds later with A BABY LAMB. Unless he’s planning on romantically weaving Melissa a new sweater, I don’t get it.

Melissa jumped at the chance to tell an awful joke: “Why is the sheep so shy? … Because he was BAAASHFUL.”

8:08: Melissa is meeting Jason’s family, and they’re all freaking out that Jason didn’t get to meet HER family. Jason said, “in the end it not meeting her parents could make a huge difference.”

8:14: And… we’re still talking about Melissa’s parents. And in an unrelated note, I’m 95% sure Jason is wearing women’s jeans, complete with a flare leg.

8:20: Overall, Jason’s family loved Melissa. Jason said, “after today, I’m completely falling in love with Melissa.”

8:24: Next up, Molly is meeting Ty. Her voice is grating on my nerves.

Molly to Jason: “When you talk about Ty, you have this crazy light that comes out of your eyes.” If that’s not the fakest statement you’ve ever heard in your life, then what is?

8:26: Ty refused to high five Molly. He wouldn’t even look at her! He refused to throw her the frisbee! Well, you know what they say about kids and pets.

8:30: They’re flying a kite on the beach. It’s awkward and Molly is completely out of her element. She doesn’t know what to do without a 6 iron in her hand.

SIX MINUTES OF COMMERCIALS!

8:37: Now it’s Molly’s turn to meet the parents! Jason and Molly are sitting really far apart on the couch, and Jason’s brother is foaming at the mouth looking at Molly.

Jason said he has a tough decision. He doesn’t have “doubts” about either woman; it’s “which woman is better for him.” The family seems to like Molly MORE than they liked Melissa.

8:44: Jason is outside crying to his mother. He doesn’t know which woman to choose. “HE CAN’T ESCAPE THIS LIFE THAT HE’S LIVIN! HE’S IN THE MIX, HE’S IN LOVE WIT 2 WOMEN!”

8:52: Melissa called her mother and asked her to talk to Jason. She said she would.

8:54: Melissa and Jason are on a random boat in the pouring rain. Melissa’s in a bikini and they’re making out and… unfortunately, it was just revealed that she has a tramp stamp. That’s a shame.

8:56: Macro shot of Jason’s tongue in Melissa’s mouth.

8:58: Jason told Melissa, “I really have to go. But know I haven’t felt this way either.” Leading her on much?

9:04: Stop! Mollytime! Jason is face down on a massage table, and Molly is in a bikini straddling him. And oh God, Molly just said the S-word. “SOUL MATE.” Game off.

9:09: Molly put together a book for jason called “A Fairytale Love Story: Dedicated to Jason Scott, the love of my life.” It’s a collection of poems, mementos, and other general cheesiness that no man would want to have to sit and look through. Even dcornier, she referred to herself in the 3rd person. “This has been the most incredible journey Molly has ever been on!”

9:17: Jason is calling Melissa’s parents. Jason said it was “better than he expected” and it “made him feel better about everything.”

9:18: ENTER DEANNA, rolling up to the house in a limo. Jason looks like he saw a ghost. They haven’t seen each other since last season’s “After The Final Rose.”

9:19: Deanna said “I chose the wild card. If I chose you, it would have worked. You had all the things I was looking for. If I was to go back and follow what I wanted, I would have made a different decision. If you haven’t proposed yet, you still have a chance, and that’s why I’m here.”

Jason: “Umm… I guess all I can do is thank you for giving me this opportunity. I hated being hurt because I did fall in love with you. But I found 2 girls who I’m completely falling for.” He then walked her to the limo and said peace out.

WTF? I eagerly waited all season for THAT visit from Deanna?! It was the most anti-climactic scene ever! DAMN YOU ABC.

9:28: Jason said he is “more confused than ever.” Just like I was during my organic chemistry exam last semester.

9:30: Jason just picked out a ring, but still claims to be “completely torn between the two women.” He said, Molly is “fun and passionate and exciting” but Melissa is “unbelievable in every way.”

9:32: Two minutes of footate of the girls in the mirror teasing their hair. Enough already.

ed yet, you still have a chance, and that’s why I’m here.”

Jason: “Umm… I guess all I can do is thank you for giving me this opportunity. I hated being hurt because I did fall in love with you. But I found 2 girls who I’m completely falling for.” He then walked her to the limo and said peace out.

WTF? I eagerly waited all season for THAT visit from Deanna?! It was the most anti-climactic scene ever! DAMN YOU ABC.

9:28: Jason said he is “more confused than ever.” Just like I was during my organic chemistry exam last semester.

9:34: Six minutes of the girls staring in the mirror and teasing their hair. Enough already!

9:40: Finally! The final rose ceremony! Jason is freaking out. The first girl out of the limo is… MOLLY. She’s wearing a long purple dress. She looks nice.

Molly: “Before you say anything, I want you to know this has been the most incredible journey I have ever been on and I wouldn’t take back a minute of it.”

Jason: “Every time you look at me with those eyes, you have me. You’ve got me locked in and it’s a place I don’t ever want to leave. You’re amazing in every way possible. And I don’t know how I could ever let you go. BUT I HAVE TO.”

Silence.

Jason: “I never ever wanted to say goodbye to you. And I wish I had some good reasons other than I’m in love with someone else.”

More silence.

Jason: “I’m so sorry.”

Molly: “I guess I just don’t understand. I think you’ve made a mistake, a big one.” Typical cocky Molly response. Peace out, Molly.

Jason at the limo: “Everything was real. I started falling in love with you very early on. Always know that.” Molly genuinely looks shocked. Her ego was way too big. She thought she had it in the bag. She keeps saying, “he made a big mistake and he’s gonna learn it the hard way.”

Back home, Jason is crying and looks like he wants to fling himself over the balcony. He seems really conflicted and I’m starting to wonder if these “After The Final Rose” spoilers are true.

9:53: UGH, Dancing With The Stars is coming back. Guys, no one watch it, k? Then maybe ABC will do the world a favor and stop airing it.

9:55: Here comes Melissa! She’s wearing a pale peach gown with gold straps, and she looks phenomenal… except her hair looks REALLY ratty.

Jason: “Our very 1st date I started falling for you. You make me happier than I ever have in my entire life and I’ve wanted to tell you something for a long time now, and that is I’m completely in love with you. And there’s one more thing.”

(Reaches in pocket, grabs ring, down on one knee)

Jason: “Melissa, I love you. Will you make me the happiest man?”

Melissa turned around and screamed, and of course, accepted. She’s shaking. They seem happy. And right now, everyone in America is saying: “IF HE HURTS MELISSA I WILL NEVER WATCH ABC EVER AGAIN.”

Next: AFTER THE FINAL ROSE

Chris Harrison is introducing the show. “Normally, here on after the final rose, we would talk to the happy couple and celebrate their journey of love. Tonight is different. What you’re about to witness is so dramatic that we decided to keep the taping as intimate as possible.”

Jason is coming out alone. The whole mood is somber and really serious. Jason said, “It’s been a crazy time. You know, I came here to find someone like Melissa and she is incredible and sweet and…”

HOLY SHIT, HE’S DUMPING MELISSA. The spoilers were true.

Jason said the chemistry was totally different after the show, and said Melissa only knows “things feel completely different for me.”

Jason: “Over the last few weeks I haven’t been able to stop thinking about Molly. I tried but I can’t control how I’m feeling – the real honest true feelings and I wish they weren’t there.”

Look. Some relationships work. Some don’t. I get that. But dumping someone on TELEVISION, in a situation like this, makes Jason a 1st class SCUMBAG.

Chris: “You’re telling me you’re still in love with Molly?”

Jason: “Yes.”

Apparently they haven’t talked since the day he sent her home in New Zealand. And he plans on breaking up with Melissa ON TELEVISION. And this had to be all set up by ABC. But playing with people’s emotions for ratings is disgusting. Sad.

Melissa has been backstage and hasn’t heard any of this. She’s coming out now and has no clue she’s about to get totally blindsided.

Jason: “Our conversations have been how things are different, how I feel like things are different.” Yeah, because you want to date someone else. That tends to throw a wrench into things, buddy. “The chemistry started changing. We’re not right for each other.”

Melissa: “I thought things were perfect.” Crying. “The second you start having doubts, you don’t talk to me about it, but you just pull away and don’t even try.” She’s right. “Something happened and you have yet to be honest.”

Jason: “What I realized is that I was falling for 2 people at the same time. And I still have feelings for Molly.”

I give Melissa credit for being so composed. I’d be going ape-shit. This is worse than a Springer episode.

Best line of the night: Melissa: “That’s your decision, YOU BASTARD.”

Melissa: “I wish you just let me go instead of doing this to me.” I feel so bad for her. Jason replied, “I hate myself for what I’m doing to Melissa. BUT I want to give it a shot with Molly.”

Melissa: “Don’t call me. Leave me alone.” And with that she walked off set and Jason cried some more of his bullshit crocodile tears. Boy, he’s really laying it on thick for the cameras.

10:30: Molly is backstage and hasn’t heard anything that just happened. She’s coming out… after the next 8 YEAR COMMERCIAL BREAK.

10:36: Heeeere’s Molly. Do you think she has on enough make-up? Jesus. Is she performing on Broadway after the show?

Molly: “I didn’t know how to deal with heartbreak because I’d never been in that position before.” Oh my God. Get off your horse, Molly. She continued, “He’s such an incredible person and I’ll never deny that. I was in love with Jason, and just because he didn’t choose me doesn’t mean that’s all going to go away overnight.”

(Sidebar: I CALL BULLSHIT. I don’t believe Molly and Jason haven’t been talking.)

10:45: Jason’s back on stage with Molly now.

Jason: “I fell to my knees after you got in the limo. I’ve never cried so hard in my life. What you need to know is that Melissa was out here earlier and I ended things with her because I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you.”

(interjection: this feels fake and so rehearsed. Molly’s reactions are not genuine at all. She’s trying way too hard to act surprised and shocked.)

Jason: “I think the most insincere thing I could do is jump real fast from one thing to another but I was hoping we could have a shot, like go out for coffee or a drink and see where things…”

Molly: (snidely laughing)… “Um… what about Melissa?”

Jason: “What I did to her was horrible. Nobody deserves the pain she went through but I don’t want to live my life with any regrets. I know that when I think about living in the moment, it’s with you.”

I can almost hear the ABC producers saying, “Don’t take him back yet, Molly, we still have 10 minutes left.”

Molly’s still speechless. Jason’s still stuttering like a fool. This got old 25 minutes ago.

Molly: “We still have a lot to talk about but my feelings never went away. I think we can see where things to. This is something I dreamed of but never expected to hear.” Now her hand is on his knee. “There’s a piece of me that’s confused – I am blown away right now but there’s bigger discussions that we need to have but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t glad this is happening right now.”

And now they’re holding hands.

Jason: “I came here to find somebody to spend the rest of my life with, and you are that person.”

And now they’re making out.

And I’m revolted.

In closing, I’m walking away from this season of The Bachelor seriously disliking the show, and seriously disliking Jason Mesnick. Molly and Jason are about as two-faced as they come, and they should live happily ever after. Until they break up like every other couple on The Bachelor, that is.

Thanks for reading. I’m Jillian Madison and I’m…………………. OUT.

Other posts on Pophangover:

1. Live Blogging: The Bachelor Final 3 Girls
2. The Bachelor (Jason): Episode 5 Recap
3. The Bachelor (Jason): Episode 6 Recap
4. The Bachelor (Jason): Episode 4 Recap
5. The Bachelor (Jason): Episode 3 Recap

Hey – I’m Jillian Madison, and I’ll be live blogging tonight’s episode of Survivor: Tocantins (episode #1803). Candace was kicked off last week. 14 contestants remain.

8:02 pm: This episode of Survivor is sponsored by Bounty, with 25% thicker quilts to clean up the copious amounts of Coach’s BS we’re all about to endure.

8:07: Everyone on Timbira hates Erinn because she was friends with Candace. Ah yes, nothing like watching 30 year olds act like 7th grade.

8:10: Jalapao has no clue how to use their fishing net. So far, they’ve only managed to catch two tiny minnows.

8:13: Challenge time! More of the same. They’re blindfolded, and have to make their way through a maze and fill barrels with corn, while one other team member screams directions. They’re playing for chairs, an umbrella, and blankets.

8:16: Corn is flying around everywhere. Orville Redenbacher must be rolling over in his grave.

8:17: Does no one know the difference between RIGHT and LEFT anymore?

8:18: Jalapao won reward. Finally. Now they can eat their 2 nasty minnows on comfortable lawn chairs. They’re sending Brendan to Exile, and he picked Taj to join him. Again.

8:19: Is this the COACH show? Why do I feel like he’s the only one I know by name?

8:23: Coach just told Tyson he was his “assistant coach” as horrible, lilting banjo music played in the background. Tyson’s southern accent made it seem just like a scene out of Deliverance.

8:26: Meanwhile, on Exile, Brendan and Taj got a clue that said the hidden immunity idol was “surrounded by wood.” So maybe they should start searching in Coach’s pants.

8:32: Immunity challenge! The contestants have to endure one entire episode of this BORING season of Survivor. Whichever team stays awake the longest, wins.

8:33: Kidding. 2 members of each tribe have to roll giant crates across a field. They then have to use those crates to make a staircase. First team to get all their members across wins immunity.

8:37: Jalapao won immunity. Again. And just like every other season on Survivor, one team wins everything while the other tribe suffers.

8:42: Jerry doesn’t feel good. He said he feels like there are 2 boxers “boxin’ around” in his stomach.

8:44: COACH, SHUT THE F*CK UP. Stop referring to Tyson as your “assistant coach.” Look around. Does it look like you’re on a soccer field? Do you see grass? Or Brandi Chastain’s sports bra?

8:47: Brendan randomly found the hidden immunity idol in the tree mail statue. Incredibly anticlimactic.

8:47: Timbira is split into two groups. Those who want to send Jerry home because his stomach hurts, and those who want Coach to have an embolism and die.

8:49: Ew. Tyson just said he wanted to send Erinn home, because he “loves seeing people cry when you crush their dreams.” What a sadistic, punk-ass bitch. Who says something like that?

8:52: Coach… the only person alive with an ego bigger than Oprah Winfrey.

Third person voted off Survivor Tocantins: JERRY.

That’s it for this (boring) episode… we’ll see you next week for more Survivor!

Other posts on Pophangover:

1. Survivor Tocantins Episode #1801 Recap: LIVE BLOGGING
2. Survivor Gabon Episode #1706 Recap: LIVE BLOGGING
3. Survivor Gabon Episode #1707 Recap: LIVE BLOGGING
4. Survivor Gabon Episode #1703 Recap: LIVE BLOGGING
5. FIRST LOOK: The Cast of Survivor Tocantins