POPHANGOVER » AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL

VIDEO: Chaos At America’s Next Top Model Audition In NYC

Jillian Madison — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 15:10:29 +0000

It was lights – camera – mayhem at Saturday’s 5′7″ and under America’s Next Top Model audition outside NYC’s Park Central Hotel. Witnesses said a fight broke out between two men who had been taunting each other for several hours, and tensions escalated when one of them threatened to return with a gun. The stampede formed after a black BMW backfired on a nearby street, sending thousands of shorties running for their lives and screaming, “it’s a bomb!”

Bottom line: the producers didn’t plan for the massive turnout. Thousands of short women showed up, desperate for a chance to break into the modeling industry, and there wasn’t enough space to accommodate all of them. In the end, three people were arrested, two were hospitalized, and the street was left littered with Payless high heels.

The CW’s response: “An altercation occurred today at a casting call for the next edition of America’s Next Top Model in New York City. Representatives of The CW are working and cooperating with local authorities on the matter.”

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America’s Next Top Model Makeovers: Before & After

Jillian Madison — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 01:11:06 +0000

This week was MAKEOVER WEEK on Cycle 12 of America’s Next Top Model. The makeovers were really underwhelming and bordered on boring this year. But were the changes for better or for worse? Let’s take a closer look.

Aminat

Sandra

Tahlia

Celia

Nijah

Natalie

Teyona

Kortnie

Allison

London

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America’s Next Top Model 11 Winner: MCKEY

Jillian Madison — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 02:26:23 +0000

TONIGHT ON AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL… McKey won the whole darn thing! Here’s what you missed:

The final 3 girls (Analeigh, McKey, and Samantha) filmed another live Cover Girl commercial. This time, they actually had to (gasp) MEMORIZE their lines. Analeigh completely choked, and as a result, was sent home.

2. During panel, Tyra had on a HIDEOUS black dress, with oversized pointed Star Trek shoulders. She was clearly using the old “increase shoulder size to make the waist look smaller” trick your mother swore by in the 80s.

Then, last year’s annoying plus-size winner Whitney appeared in yet another Cover Girl commercial, looking awfully Debbie Gibson a la Electric Youth:

Finalists McKey and Samantha competed in a lame runway challenge that looked more like a DOG AGILITY course:

Back to panel for judging, and yet ANOTHER pointy-shouldered, waist-inducing dress from Tyra:

In the most underwhelming finale EVER, Tyra named McKey the winner.

That’s it for this season – we’ll see you in ‘09 for ANTM cycle 12!

[photos: cw network]

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Tyra Banks Buying Transgender Isis A Sex Change!?!

Jillian Madison — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 18:53:03 +0000

Remember Isis, the transgendered contestant on America’s Next Top Model? Yeah, well, on tomorrow’s episode of the Tyra Banks Show, Tyra Banks is… BUYING HER A SEX CHANGE OPERATION.

She didn’t have the penis-removal surgery yet, because it costs between $20,000 to $35,000. But it appears Christmas is coming early for Isis this year, because Tyra is pickin’ up the tab.

Tyra gives her the news, and then, in the most underwhelmed voice possible, Isis replies, “I feel like I’m about to wake up.” She might as well have been saying, “Yes, I’d like to add an egg roll to that order.”

You can catch the entire trainwreck on Tuesday’s episode of the Tyra Banks Show (11/19/08).

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America’s Next Top Model 11: Episode 11 Recap (The Top 4)

Jillian Madison — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 16:36:45 +0000

TONIGHT ON AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL…

The remaining 4 girls met up with Paulina Porizkova and got some advice on how to sell products without speaking. Marjorie took the opportunity to show off her hideous Cosby sweater…

…and Analeigh did her best “CHARMIN BEAR” impersonation.

Then, just when I thought this season couldn’t get any lamer, the girls were forced to do one of the STUPIDEST challenges I’ve ever seen. They had to run on a treadmill while pretending to be running through the streets of NYC chasing down a cab. They then had to flirt with a male model, and go kiss him after stealing his cab. Somewhere in America, Jillian Michaels screamed to McKee, “GET YOUR HANDS UP OFF THAT TREADMILL BITCH, OR YOU’RE RUNNING ANOTHER MILE!” and then collapsed.

Marjorie then spent the next 20 minutes acting like the spastic social retard that she is:

Finally, the girls did a crazy-haired photo shoot that didn’t really have a theme. Samantha didn’t get sent home, even though she looked like a Dixie Chick on a rainy day:

Thankfully, annoying French Marjorie was the one sent home. I’m thrilled. I could not stand her, or the French accordion they played every time she was on camera.

Stay tuned next week – we’re down to the final three!

[photos: cw network]

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America’s Next Top Model 11: Episode 10 Recap (Go-See’s)

Jillian Madison — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 02:33:14 +0000

TONIGHT ON AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL…

The top five girls went on their Go-See’s in Amsterdam. With signs like these, no wonder they all got lost:

McKey made it to 4 out of 5 Go-See’s, but was 5 minutes late so she was disqualified. Analeigh won the challenge, and took home $18,000 in dresses and wooden Dutch shoes that will look smashing atop her grandmother’s curio cabinet. Marjorie did the worst, and blew the two Go-See’s she actually made it to. She just wandered around in circles, and whined that she had no sense of direction. Is it me, or does her new hair look like Halloween’s Michael Myers?

Tyra Banks then photographed the girls looking “natural” and then shot them looking “fierce.” Tyra Banks took a moment to imitate Miss Jay. Sorry, FAIL. Worst impression ever. It looked like she just inhaled cinnamon:

Back at Top Model headquarters, Tyra worked her best “use the photos to hide the stomach fat” pose:

Annoying Marjorie and Elina were in the bottom two, but ultimately, Tyra sent ELINA home.

Stay tuned next week – we’re down to the final four! I’m counting down the minutes until annoying Marjorie is sent home!

[photos: cw network]

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America’s Next Top Model 11: Episode 9 Recap (Amsterdam Red Light District)

Jillian Madison — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 02:02:52 +0000

TONIGHT ON AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL…

The final 6 girls packed for their trip to Amsterdam. McKey looked like she was trying to cram the entire Roloff family into her suitcase:

Hey, did you guys know there are windmills in Amsterdam?

After the plane landed, Elina, Marjorie, and Analeigh took a naked lesbian bath together. Surprisingly, no one screamed in horror at Marjorie’s hideously disfigured back. Somebody pass that girl a Boniva:

Once they were clean, the girls posed as window candy in Amsterdam’s Red Light district. Inspired, Jay showed off his fiercest pair of pointy-toed hooker heels:

Did Heath Ledger come back from the dead to score a dimebag in Amsterdam? No, it’s just Marjorie.

The girls did a boring photo shoot on a boat, and then Tyra sent SHEENA home.

Stay tuned next week – Tyra photographs the final 5 girls.

[photos: cw network]

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America’s Next Top Model 11: Episode 7 Recap (”Fiercee Awards”)

Jillian Madison — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 15:40:34 +0000

[Just want to know who got kicked off tonight's show? Check out Kicked Off TV for reality TV eliminations and results without all the BS!]

Another week, another episode of America’s Next Top Model! The show opened with the girls making pancakes in a filthy, stained pan that desperately needed to be cleaned. I know models have better things to do than clean, like practicing the alphabet and perfecting the number of brush strokes to maximize hair lushness, but sometimes it just needs to be done. (Note to the girls: if there is no Brillo in the house, Elina’s hair can be used in a pinch.)

Elina told the girls she had a stressful childhood because she came to the USA from the Ukraine when she was 8. She said, “My mother was Russian and she was very controlling.” Suddenly and without warning, Sarah Palin appeared, muttered something about keeping an eye on Putin, winked, and mysteriously disappeared. What does it mean?

Next, Tyra showed up to help the girls find their “signature poses.” Not to be mean (ok, fine, to be a little mean), Tyra’s thighs looked HUMONGOUS. I know that’s her problem spot, like most women, but that’s why most women don’t show up on camera wearing nothing but spandex and a chastity belt! Poor Tyra looked like Catwoman’s extinct cousin… Fatwoman.

The producers tried to shoot her from all these crazy, high angles to try to make her look slimmer, but it just didn’t work. At one point, it looked like the camera was on the roof of the building shooting down at her. Um, why not just rent the Goodyear Blimp and shoot her from up there? Hell, even the world’s fattest man, Jose Luis Garza, would look like a stalk of celery from up there.

And another thing… why was everyone dressed in black? Who died, aside from Tyra Banks’ size 2 skirts?

The girls really struggled with their signature poses. To me, Marjorie was the worst (do you hear the French music playing in your head? Do you??). Her pose was the “Hunchback of Notre Dame” – and she took it so literally. She was more hunched over than Sally Field would be if she didn’t take her Boniva regularly.

Bottom line: Marjorie just looked SCARY… with with her spine sticking out and the back of her ribcage exposed for the world to see. She instantly reminded me of ZELDA, the dying sister in Pet Sematary (and for those of you who don’t know, the “Zelda Dying Scene” is THE scariest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. It creeps me out to my core. ZELDA’S DEAD! ZELDA’S DEAD!)

Next, the girls arrived at the Orpheum Theater. There was no one there, except for 3 random people sitting in the upper balcony. At first, I thought it was so empty because Spamalot was playing. Turns out, the girls would be using the stage for their next photo shoot: “Embarrassing Moments at Awards Shows.”

Sheena had her dress stepped on, Marjorie had to pee but couldn’t get her gown off, Sam couldn’t read cue cards (probably hit close to home for her), Lauren Brie pretended to fall, and McKey thought she was going to win but lost (think “Everyone Up Against Tina Fey at the Emmy’s”).

Elina was an overemotional actress who couldn’t stop crying. Jay was trying to get her to loosen up and help her shed tears by asking her all these deep, probing questions. Calm down, Jay. This isn’t the Tyra Banks show. If the girl can’t cry, poke her in the thigh with a fork and let’s move on.

The bottom two this week were Sheena and Lauren Brie, and ultimately, LAUREN BRIE was the one to go. I’m not surprised. Lauren was more empty and vacant than a hotel in Lake George in November.

Stay tuned next week, for what looks like a great show. The girls have to shoot a commercial, and Elina and Sheena fight!

[photos: CW]

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America’s Next Top Model 11: Episode 6 Recap (”Natural Beauty”)

Jillian Madison — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 03:47:03 +0000

[Just want to know who got kicked off tonight's show? Check out Kicked Off TV for reality TV eliminations and results without all the BS!]

Another week, another episode of America’s Next Top Model! The show opened with the girls getting some Tyra Mail that said, “Just because it doesn’t fit doesn’t mean you should be clothes minded!” Har har! A bad pun! You know what that means… time for some useless modeling tips from one of the judges!

This time, it was Paulina’s turn to enlighten us. The girls found her in an abandoned warehouse, dressed in a baggy blue 2-piece skirt suit like an extra on set of Designing Women. No, Paulina wasn’t channeling her inner Delta Burke; she was there to teach the girls how to model garments that didn’t fit.

Paulina gave the girls baggy outfits of their very own, and told them to use ordinary items to improve the fit of the clothing. Cut to a shot of the models rolling up their sleeves and cramming water bottles down their pants like they were preparing for a 3 week hike across the Sahara. Many of them said “screw it” and just used clips on the back of their shirts to pull the fabric tighter. But come on, did Paulina really have to show up to teach these morons how to clip a shirt? This groundbreaking technique has been used on the size 000 mannequins at Hollister and Abercrombie for decades, so I think these girls have it covered.

Paulina then judged their performances, and said McKey did the best job improving the fit of her garment. McKey claimed victory by cramming 4 soda cans down her ass, clipping 15 clothes pins on the back of her pants, and stuffing her shirt with more shoulder pads than in Paula Poundstone’s closet. Bottom line: McKey could easily have taken a bullet without sustaining even a small flesh wound.

While Paulina was critiquing her outfit, Marjorie randomly started freaking out and crying. Either she was overwhelmed, or one of the clothes pins was cutting off circulation to her private French bits. You decide.

Within seconds, the other girls mysteriously started sticking up for her and telling Paulina she was “just nervous.” Why? Are these bitches crazy? It’s a competition! Stab her in the back! Send her whiny, escargot eatin’ ass back to France, and save the “sympathy” stuff for Dr. Phil episodes and Nicholas Sparks novels. Samantha was the only one to say what everyone else was thinking: “She’s a baby. Welcome to America. You’re not in France anymore.”

Next, the girls headed to the set of their next photo shoot, where they found Jay wandering around dressed in a cheap alien costume. He told the girls they’d be replicating several Los Angeles disasters on today’s shoot. Great – maybe they should start with Gigli.

Elina was up first. She represented an earthquake. What other “disasters” did they cover? Sheena was a sandstorm, Clark was a blackout, McKey was a heat wave, and Marjorie was David Blaine’s career.

I thought the photos were all really weak, and the judges agreed. Samantha’s tidal wave photo was the best, and she was named the winner.

The bottom two this week were Clark and Joslyn, and ultimately, CLARK was the one to go. I’m shocked. I thought Tyra would have kept her around for the drama, because the rest of these girls are more boring than an episode of Sunrise Earth on the Discovery High Def channel.

Stay tuned next week, when Tyra helps the girls find their own signature looks. Fun for the whole family!

[photos: CW]

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America’s Next Top Model 11: Episode 5 Recap (”Fierce Eyes”)

Jillian Madison — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 14:41:56 +0000

[Just want to know who got kicked off tonight's show? Check out Kicked Off TV for reality TV eliminations and results without all the BS!]

Another week, another episode of America’s Next Top Model!

The episode opened with the girls at home, staring at Elina’s winning photo on the big screen TV. The photo had the words “RACIALLY AMBIGUOUS” written over it. Why? It’s not like racial ambiguity is a huge plus that will give her a boost in this competition or something, so who cares? If she was a black girl auditioning for a lead role in the new 90210, sure. But on ANTM, that trait is about as useless as Sarah Palin’s Bridge to Nowhere.

Next, the girls headed to Lucky Strike to practice their runway walks on slippery bowling lanes. Isis grinned and said, “I’m not worried! Runway is the only thing I’m totally confident with.” Well isn’t she COCKY! (tranny pun intended). Too bad she slipped and slid down the alley like she was a 2 pound duckpin bowling ball hurled by Arnold Schwarzenegger. Hannah was clearly the worst walker. She looked like somebody crammed an extra 10-pin up her ass.

Before leaving, Miss J inexplicably rolled a bowling ball through Samantha’s bow legs. Are we having fun yet?

The fledgling models then put their walking skills to the test and did a runway challenge with a twist – they were BLINDFOLDED! Ooh, how scary and dramatic and original, right? WRONG! Maybe it would have been interesting, if the girls didn’t admit they could SEE THROUGH THEIR BLINDFOLDS. So of course, the event was boring and incident free. The previews for the episode had us believing the girls were going to be all Helen Keller in high heels perilously walking on a skinny runway… but no. I’ve literally seen more drama when my local Trader Joe’s ran out of granola.

Elina opened the runway show, and she rocked it (she is my pick to win this season, by the way). Stupid Samantha got to the end of the runway and lifted up her dress like she was Dolly Parton square dancing at a barn party. And hideous Hannah came down the runway looking like somebody’s grandmother power walking at the mall.

Joslyn was named the challenge winner, and without much fanfare, the two Jay’s kicked Hannah off the show. Fabulous. Her whiny voice was starting to annoy me.

Next, the girls did an up-close “fierce eyes” photo shoot with Nigel Barker in a pool. Isis was paranoid that her well-taped peen was going to slip out of her swimsuit and say hello, while Elina completely choked and had no idea how to pose. Jay Manuel looked on in horror as she helplessly splashed around in the water like Michael Phelps after being hog tied.

Stupid Question Alert: At judging, Tyra asked the girls how they liked working with Nigel. Please. What are they gonna say? “It sucked, we hated it, he’s a loser, we would have rather been at Red Lobster?”

My picks: I thought Lauren Brie had the best photograph. Clark and Samantha had great shots, too.

The Bottom Two: Isis and Samantha, and ultimately, ISIS was the one to go.

[photos: cw]

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