STARTING NOW: New Rules for 11/2/08
Published on: November 5, 2008 – 4:25 pm by Jillian Madison 
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Starting Now: New Rules
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STARTING NOW: Restaurant servers, WASH YOUR HANDS and eat a mint after your cigarette breaks. Look, I’m all for you escaping out back to grab a smoke and gossip with your friends about how the Mexican dishwasher just tried to feel you up. But you smell like the Marlboro Man’s asshole, and that’s where I draw the line. |
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STARTING NOW: Stop bringing back old TV shows from the 90s. First it was Beverly Hills 90210, and now the CW network is remaking Melrose Place. Why bother? All the cool people were killed off during the Clinton presidency. And besides, I already know what the rest of the characters are up to: BATTLING CATARACTS. |
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STARTING NOW: Gum makers, stop adding those crunchy “flavor crystals” to your sticks of gum. If I wanted to eat a mouthful of sand, I’d get drunk and then go try to return a serve from Misty May. |
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STARTING NOW: American Express has to stop being so fucking nosy about my credit. I don’t have your credit card. I don’t want your credit card. So kindly stop checking my credit every 5 minutes like I’m Ed McMahon. At the very least, think of the environment. My last credit report print-out was longer than Tommy Lee’s dick. |
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Other posts on Pophangover:
July 3rd, 2009
I work as a waitress. After I smoke I wash my hands, use mouthwash, and put on some CK One. Common now, I don’t want customers to taste my habit with their sushi!