Real World Brooklyn with MTVixen Jill: Episode #2104 Recap
Published on: January 29, 2009 – 12:02 pm by MTVixen Jill 
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Another week, another sinfully bad episode of The Real World Brooklyn. This week’s episode centered around Devyn, and her ridiculous quest to become an actress/singer. Aaaaand, that’s it. Really, feel free to just stop reading now, because you’re all caught up.
The episode opened with Devyn telling JD that she wanted to pursue a singing and acting career while she was in New York. She said, “I’m trying to open myself up like never 
before.” Well, if you want to get ahead in the business quickly, I suppose “opening yourself up” might be the way to go. Good luck with that, Devyn. But remember: if it smells funny, don’t put it in your mouth.
Cut to the roommates at some random “private party.” For no apparent reason other than that he’s an douche, Ryan showed up sporting a nasty pencil thin mustache that covered half his face. WOW! HE’S SO FUNNY AND CLEVER! I WISH I COULD BE HIS FRIEND. Did MTV spend… 5 minutes casting this season?
And speaking of casting, why is Scott even on this show? Is that even his name? I can’t even remember. What does he look like?
Meanwhile, Alex (the girl Chet was wetting his magic Mormon underwear over last week) was also at this “private party.” Watching Chet hitting on her, with his Howard The Duck haircut and ominous Hannibal Lecter blank gaze, was just downright creepy. I didn’t know if he was dreaming about kissing her, or removing her skin with a scalpel and weaving it into a new scarf.
Chet turned to the camera and said, “Alex is definitely into me.” No, Chet, Alex is into the cameras following you. “This could blossom into something very special.” Blossom? Ok, Mayim Bialik. It’s a random hook-up in a bar, not a rare African orchid or a Jewish teen actress.
The next day, the girls went out shopping at some really classy store that looked like it was probably named BIG JOHN’S DISCOUNT CLOTHING MART. Katelynn was buying to the sluttiest, ugliest pieces in the place. I’m talking leopard print tank tops that looked like they were mauled by an injured leopard. Skin-tight stonewashed jeans with huge gold zippers on the back pockets. You know, all the outfits that would compliment her nasty unwashed hair and greasy face.
Next, Sarah got a phone call from her dad, who she claims sexually abused her when she was a child. The conversation was ridiculous and frustrating to listen to from an outsider’s perspective. Sarah meekly said into the phone, “please don’t call here ever again. I’m hanging up.” But she didn’t hang up. She sat there listening to him, engaging the conversation, and randomly muttering “I’m gonna hang up” for 5 minutes before actually hanging up.
She then immediately called her mother and said, “I didn’t think this was something I’d have to deal with here,” with all the gusto of someone who genuinely believed breathing New York air would make you forget you were allegedly molested by your father. Her mother basically said, “I’m sorry he called. Don’t be a victim. Bye!”
That night, or who the hell knows when in B&M’s world of editing, the roommates were out at a bar (shocking!), when JD showed up with some random transsexual. He was drunk, bragging about her to everyone like she just fucking cured cancer. “This is my friend and she’s the best tranny ever, and the best singer ever, and the best whore ever, and blah blah blah!”
Then, out of the blue, the new tranny (new tranny? I can’t even believe I have to differentiate the trannys) grabbed Devyn by the hand and pulled her up on stage to sing a 
song with her. And in the most entertaining, unintentionally hysterical moments of the show so far, Devyn cleared her throat and “sang” the opening verse of “I Hope You Dance.” AND IT WAS AWFUL. More like, “I Hope You’re Deaf” so you don’t have to hear this shit.
When they got home, Sarah’s dad called. Again. Aaaannnd, repeat the same conversation from earlier in the episode. “I’m hanging up now (but I’m not!)” and “Don’t call here anymore. But wait, why are you calling here?!”
Sarah broke down and told the roommates that she was “molested at a day care center by one of the teachers” but went to therapy for it and healed the best she could. She also explained, “my parents separated and I went camping with my dad and he only brought 1 sleeping bag. We’ve been trying to press charges against him ever since.” Well, uh, NOT TO PRY, but that’s all he did? Just brought one sleeping bag? I’m confused. Whatever. In the spirit of not making jokes about molestation, I’ll just say this: here’s to hoping she at least got to make S’mores.
[To be clear, Sarah's father claims he never molested her. He says Sarah's mother filled her head with lies after they got divorced, so she could keep sole custody of her.]
Anyway. In equally depressing news, cut to a shot of Devyn with rollers in her hair and a facial mask smeared on her cheeks, screaming the Star Spangled Banner at the top of her lungs. She looked more like an extra in Girl, Inturrupted than a Real World cast member. She was preparing for a one on one meeting with a real-life ca
sting director… because you know how easy those meetings are to get. Right.
Devyn showed up an hour late to her meeting because she took a wrong turn and drove to Jersey. I’m sorry, but you have to be a Class 1 asshole to get that lost with a navigation system in your car. Was she using Jon Bon Jovi’s GPS? Or did Tony Soprano have the rental car out before she did? Maybe she should spray some luminol in the trunk just to be sure.
When she finally got there, she read some lines (badly) and sang the Star Spangled Banner (again, badly) for Alan Filderman. He basically laughed her out of the audition, and made fun of her resume that smeared ink all over his fingers. WTF? So either MTV put the cheapest piece of shit printer in the house, or she wrote the resume herself with QUILL AND INK.
Okay, let me tell you, I could have done without the next 2 closeup shots of Sarah’s hideous, fat, hairy Flintstone feet. Jesus Christ, MTV. That was uncalled for. I’m still recovering. What’s next? A closeup of Katelynn’s scalp? I wont’ sleep for a month.
Chet went on a date with Alex that night. Or at least, I think it was a date. It was more like two awkward 8th graders hanging out and snapping their gum as they talked about the new 90210. “What time do you want me to go home tonight?” “I don’t know, whenever your mom says I gotta go!”
Chet told the roommates he only got a one second kiss after the date. And then, in one of the most vomit worthy conversations in RW history, Katelynn started complaining that she was feeling sexually frustrated because she hasn’t had an orgasm in a while. EWWWWWWW. The thought of dirty, unwashed Katelynn wriggling around in pleasure is absolutely disgusting to me. Then, just in case the conversation wasn’t revolting enough, Chet confessed he;s never “touched a boob,” and that he has fucking “nocturnal emissions” because he doesn’t have sex or masturbate. Open mouth, vomit, and repeat as necessary until the icky feeling subsides.
And that, my friends, brought another week of Real World Brooklyn drama to an end. Stay tuned for next week’s episode, when JD sprays shaving cream on Ryan, causing him to unnecessarily flip out like a crazy person. It may sound interesting, but don’t worry, it won’t be.
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Other posts on Pophangover:
January 29th, 2009
Are you serious Sarah? I can understand how you would be upset about having been sexually abused at day care when you were little, but the thing with your dad is ridiculous! I’m surprised none of the roommies said anything about the fact that Sarah was flipping out about nothing-when I watched last night, I couldn’t help but think “that’s it?”.
AND, Devyn should have taken the subway like the rest of New York- She probably wouldn’t have been late if she chose not to drive.. In the REAL World, most young adults in Brooklyn don’t have cars!
January 29th, 2009
Devyn, get over yourself. Don’t blame JD for your lack of talent. And Sarah, if your dad sexually abused you, don’t you have a restraining order? How does he even know where to call you? Oh I forgot, this is The Real World, where everything is just a coincidence.
And for the two douchebags. Mormon Boy, this is the most attention you will ever get from any girl. Or any guy for that matter. I’m looking forward to military tampon boy losing his @#$% next week. Show us the prissy little whiner you really are.
January 31st, 2009
omg Devyn cannot sing for her life my ears were freakin burning from the horror!! and chet omg chet has no game whats so ever did he ever had a girlfriend in his life or is this like middle school brooklyn and scott hes hardly in the show can mtv like replace scott uz hes boring as hell!! and katlyn she said she got cute booty LMFAO!!!! katelyn has nothing she looks disgusting in any girl clothing no matter how hard she tried to look good. JD hes just fuckin crazy homo, Ryan he aiight sometimes his lagh gets annoying sounds lke a freakin hyena! and he trys wayyyy to hard to be funny and Sarah she cool got nothinto say bad about her. Well this season pretty much sucks masybe cuz scott is in it or is it chet or maybe mtv chose the boringest characters ever!!!! Real World hollywood was so much better