The Bachelor (Jason) – Final 3 Girls: Jillian, Melissa, and Molly (2/16/09).

Hi, I’m Jillian Madison, and I’m live-blogging The Bachelor: the final 3 girls for Pophangover. Let’s do it!

Tonight on The Bachelor, Jason is taking the 3 girls to New Zealand for “exotic overnight dates.” Translation: Jason is going to have a lot of sex, with 3 different women.

8:08: …and we’re still recapping the last 2 episodes. Because apparently, we all have memory problems. “What? Jillian made Jason eat a hot dog? When did THAT happen?”

8:13: Oh look, Molly is wearing another argyle sweater. And so is her father. The apple doesn’t fall far from the golf cart. (Yes, we’re still recapping. No wonder this show is 2 hours.)

8:15: Jason and Jillian are on a helicopter tour of New Zealand. Mountains, ocean, and sky. It’s majestic and gorgeous. Jillian’s wearing a flannel shirt – maybe she’s planning on chopping some wood for a cozy fire later.

8:19: Jason just said Jillian was someone he could “be friends with forever” – but he is looking for more “passion.”

8:23: Jason and Jillian are at a winery. They’re talking about boring things. I hate her off-white dress; it looks like a hospital bed sheet.

8:27: Jillian decided to spend the night with Jason to “see if they connect physically.” Why so technical? You’re having sex, not setting up a wireless network in your office.

8:29: Jason and Jill are making out in the hot tub. Cheesy porn music is playing in the background. I’m not even kidding.

8:35: We’re back from commercial, and Jason and Molly are now making out under an umbrella, -ella, -ella, hey hey hey.

8:36: Molly and Jason are bungee jumping off of a HUGE ASS BRIDGE. Molly looks mortified.

8:38: They’re about to jump off the bridge. Either it’s cold, or Jason’s terrified, because his nipples are poking through his shirt and could possibly cut glass. Oh, they jumped, and it was really underwhelming.

8:40: Molly brought a “list of questions” for Jason. And she’s not kidding. There are like 50 questions on her list. “If you could eat only 1 food for the rest of your life…” – HAMBURGER. “What’s your favorite ice cream flavor?” -Peanut butter and chocolate. Um, did she get this off of a MYSPACE SURVEY?

8:41: She asked Jason, “What is your dream car?” and he responded, “A MUSTANG.” Um, ew, that’s a dealbreaker for me. I’ll no longer be live blogging. Sorry.

8:42: Ok, I reconsidered. I’m back. Did you miss me?

8:43: Molly is still asking questions. Their interaction is forced and fake and awkward to listen to. She said she had one more question, but was going to “save it until later.” What could it be? “How many argyle sweaters do you own?” or “You have to hit a golf ball 50 yards, would you use a 5 iron or a 6 iron?”

8:48: Jason and Molly are at dinner. The conversation is slllooowww. I feel like I’m eavesdropping in on a really bad first date.

8:50: Molly said she’s not part of a “mushy gushy family.” Um, is she talking about their bodies?

8:53: Ooh, Molly asked the final question: “Will you spend the night with me?” Of course, Jason said yes. They’re walking arm in arm to the suite – and I feel like I’m watching an arranged marriage that’s about to be consummated.

8:59: Back from commercial, and Jason is meeting Melissa in a really pretty park. He picked her up and is spinning her around, and they look happy. In other words, the complete opposite of his date with Molly.

9:01: Melissa and Jason are on Winston Churchill’s old boat, sailing around beautiful New Zealand… while I’m sitting in my office, shifting my body weight around on a really uncomfortable Ikea couch. Be honest, who would you rather be right now?

9:04: Jason keeps saying how disappointed he is that he didn’t get to meet Melissa’s family. Oh, wait, his tongue is down his throat. Seems like he’s getting over it just fine.

9:05: They’re drinking champagne in a hot tub in a spa, overlooking a sweeping New Zealand vista. Melissa is getting choked up over the fact that her parents didn’t want to “be a part of this.” What is wrong with her parents? Are they in the fucking witness protection program?

9:12: I can’t help but wonder… how bad would it suck for one of these girls if they had THEIR PERIOD for the overnight date? Jason insinuated he couldn’t completely fall in love with someone without meeting their parents. Could he fall in love with someone without sleeping with them? All signs point to no.

9:15: Melissa agreed to spend the night with Jason in the fantasy suite. Melissa told Jason she’s “never felt like this” and that she’s “absolutely fallen in love with him.” He cut her off with a kiss, like he always does. He replied with, “you’re amazing…” which is one step below “DITTO.”

9:30: Each girl made video messages for Jason. Jill said, “Hey babe, thanks for showing me what it feels like to fall in love again.” Molly said, “Hey J, I had an amazing time, you made it easy for me to open up, and I’m serious about you.” Melissa said, “I want to thank you for making it so easy for me to talk with you and fall in love with you. Thank you for being you, I Miss you and I love you.” Jason is sweating profusely. He looks like he’s going to pass out.

9:38: Another 8 minutes of commercials. Literally. These are the longest commercial breaks I have ever seen in my life.

9:40: Three nervous women. Two red roses. And a partridge in a pear tree.

9:41: Jason: “You 3 are the most beautiful women I’ve ever met, inside and out, and I am falling for all 3 of you for different reasons. I have to do one of the most selfish things that I’ve ever done, and that’s break one of your hearts tonight.” And with that, he reached for a rose.

9:42: First rose goes to… MELISSA.

9:42: Second rose goes to… MOLLY. Jillian is OUT! They’re sitting on a bench, and Jason said “Sorry. I’ve never met anyone like you before, like, ever. But our lives are a little bit different.” Jill said, “I don’t think our lives are that different. I have fallen in love with you which I’ve never been able to do before in my life. I just had a dream where Ty tried on a pair of my shoes, and then we took a nap, and blah blah blah…” Sure. Go back to Canada with some dignity Jillian, eh?

And, that’s it for this week. The final 10 minutes of this episode will be preview clips from next week’s reunion show, and from the finale episode which airs in two weeks. Molly and Melissa go to Jason’s hometown to meet Jason’s family. Oh yeah, and Deanna Pappas shows up again and tries to win Jason back. Hold onto your seats guys, this is gettin’ good.

(If you want to read a spoiler on who Jason picks, and gets engaged to, just click here and watch the video.)

Other posts on Pophangover:

1. Live Blogging: The Bachelor Finale
2. The Bachelor (Jason): Episode 5 Recap
3. The Bachelor (Jason): Episode 6 Recap
4. The Bachelor (Jason): Episode 2 Recap
5. The Bachelor (Jason): Episode 4 Recap