LIVE BLOGGING: Survivor Tocantins (2/26/09)
Published on: February 26, 2009 – 8:55 pm by Jillian Madison 
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Hey – I’m Jillian Madison, and I’ll be live blogging tonight’s episode of Survivor: Tocantins (episode #1803). Candace was kicked off last week. 14 contestants remain.
8:02 pm: This episode of Survivor is sponsored by Bounty, with 25% thicker quilts to clean up the copious amounts of Coach’s BS we’re all about to endure.
8:07: Everyone on Timbira hates Erinn because she was friends with Candace. Ah yes, nothing like watching 30 year olds act like 7th grade.
8:10: Jalapao has no clue how to use their fishing net. So far, they’ve only managed to catch two tiny minnows.
8:13: Challenge time! More of the same. They’re blindfolded, and have to make their way through a maze and fill barrels with corn, while one other team member screams directions. They’re playing for chairs, an umbrella, and blankets.
8:16: Corn is flying around everywhere. Orville Redenbacher must be rolling over in his grave.
8:17: Does no one know the difference between RIGHT and LEFT anymore?
8:18: Jalapao won reward. Finally. Now they can eat their 2 nasty minnows on comfortable lawn chairs. They’re sending Brendan to Exile, and he picked Taj to join him. Again.
8:19: Is this the COACH show? Why do I feel like he’s the only one I know by name?
8:23: Coach just told Tyson he was his “assistant coach” as horrible, lilting banjo music played in the background. Tyson’s southern accent made it seem just like a scene out of Deliverance.
8:26: Meanwhile, on Exile, Brendan and Taj got a clue that said the hidden immunity idol was “surrounded by wood.” So maybe they should start searching in Coach’s pants.
8:32: Immunity challenge! The contestants have to endure one entire episode of this BORING season of Survivor. Whichever team stays awake the longest, wins.
8:33: Kidding. 2 members of each tribe have to roll giant crates across a field. They then have to use those crates to make a staircase. First team to get all their members across wins immunity.
8:37: Jalapao won immunity. Again. And just like every other season on Survivor, one team wins everything while the other tribe suffers.
8:42: Jerry doesn’t feel good. He said he feels like there are 2 boxers “boxin’ around” in his stomach.
8:44: COACH, SHUT THE F*CK UP. Stop referring to Tyson as your “assistant coach.” Look around. Does it look like you’re on a soccer field? Do you see grass? Or Brandi Chastain’s sports bra?
8:47: Brendan randomly found the hidden immunity idol in the tree mail statue. Incredibly anticlimactic.
8:47: Timbira is split into two groups. Those who want to send Jerry home because his stomach hurts, and those who want Coach to have an embolism and die.
8:49: Ew. Tyson just said he wanted to send Erinn home, because he “loves seeing people cry when you crush their dreams.” What a sadistic, punk-ass bitch. Who says something like that?
8:52: Coach… the only person alive with an ego bigger than Oprah Winfrey.
Third person voted off Survivor Tocantins: JERRY.
That’s it for this (boring) episode… we’ll see you next week for more Survivor!
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