Top 10 Dumbest Pick-Up Lines (With Mean Comebacks)
Published on: April 21, 2009 – 10:36 am by Jillian Madison 
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These are officially the world’s corniest, most God-awful pick up lines. Guys, if you’ve ever successfully used one of these on a girl, you might want to get tested for gonorrhea. And ladies, I took the liberty of writing some witty comebacks in case any Tool Academy rejects try to use these lines on you this weekend.
THE TOP 10 DUMBEST PICK-UP LINES
1. I’m not telling you this because I want to impress you, but I am Batman.
ACCEPTABLE REPLY: That’s funny, because Robin just bought me a drink and told me you’re 35 and still live with your parents.
2. Fat penguin. Yeah. I just wanted to say something to break the ice.
ACCEPTABLE REPLY: Big black boyfriend. Yeah. I just wanted to say something to make you shit your pants.
3. Will you help me find my lost puppy? I think he went into that cheap motel room across the street.
ACCEPTABLE REPLY: Oh, you mean the room your mom just rented?
4. If your eyes sparkled any brighter, the sun would be out of a job.
ACCEPTABLE REPLY: And if your penis was any smaller, you’d be female.
5. Damn, I thought “very fine” only came in a bottle!
ACCEPTABLE REPLY: And I thought tools only hung out in Home Depot.
6. If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime rib.
ACCEPTABLE REPLY: And you must be the pork butt.
7. I just moved you to the top of my to-do list.
ACCEPTABLE REPLY: What a treat. I’m honored to be listed above “scratch ass, smell finger.”
8. Did your father have sex with a carrot? Cause you’ve got nice eyes.
ACCEPTABLE REPLY: LAUGHTER.
9.Hi. I’m an astronaut, and my next mission is to explore Uranus.
ACCEPTABLE REPLY: Hi. I’m a dentist, and my next mission is to knock out your teeth.
10. Nice shoes. They’d look even better under my bed.
ACCEPTABLE REPLY: …you mean next to your penis pump?
BONUS. When God made you, he was showing off.
ACCEPTABLE REPLY: God must have made you after watching “Forrest Gump.”
Other posts on Pophangover:
April 21st, 2009
wow, I haven’t even heard these before (sex with a carrot, lol). Great piece :]
April 21st, 2009
As always…your wicked sense of humor makes this one of my favorite posts.
April 21st, 2009
HYSTERICAL
jillian marry me please
April 21st, 2009
your comebacks are SO FUNNY! this went around my office today and everyone was cracking up. nice job
April 21st, 2009
THIS was the funniest thing i’ve read all month. Whoever wrote those `acceptable replies` is my hero,
April 29th, 2009
I’ve not heard any of those!
Fabulousss as always :D
May 10th, 2009
Batman’s parents are dead…
July 13th, 2009
U suck ass
October 8th, 2009
I loved the pick up line in the picture (”come on baby, let me love you long time”) – genius!
:)
Here are a few more hilarious pick up lines:
Did you fart? Because you blew me away…
Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
Do you have any raisins? No? How about a date?
Do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package.
I hope there’s a fireman around, cause you’re smokin’!
Are you smoking? (No!) Oh, yes you are!
Hey I just realized this, but you look a lot like my next girlfriend.
You’ve been a bad girl. Go to my room.
I’m invisible. (Really?) Can you see me? (Yes) How about tomorrow night?
You look like my third wife! (How many have you had?) Two.
Hi, will you help me find my lost puppy? I think he went into this cheap hotel room across the street.