Meet the Season 7 Cast of Dancing With The Stars:

Lance Bass, singer: No, he’s not going to be dancing with a dude. What do you think this is? The Logo network?!  He’ll be paired with Lacey Schwimmer, the 2007 World Swing champion and a finalist on So You Think You Can Dance… though I would rather have seen him paired with Gale Harold.

Rocco DiSpirito, Chef: Sure he knows meatballs, but can he foxtrot? He’ll be paired up with Karina Smirnoff and we’ll find out soon enough.

Misty May-Treanor, Olympic beach volleyball player: I’m already sick of her, after NBC’s exorbitant beach volleyball coverage. She’ll be dancing with Maksim Chmerkovskiy.

Maurice Greene, Olympic sprinter: WHO? Another Olympian? WHY?! The Olympics are over! Let them go. He’ll be dancing with show favorite Cheryl Burke.

Toni Braxton, Grammy-winning singer: Toni will be dancing with Alec Mazo.

Kim Kardashian, Reality TV star: I’m wondering if her giant ass will get in the way of the Viennese Waltz? She’ll be paired with Mark Ballas.

Cody Linley, Hannah Montana co-star: The youngest contestant this season will be paired with cougar, Julianne Hough.

Cloris Leachman, Oscar-winning actress: All I can think of is the Ellen Degeneres bit, where she talks about things popping into her head when she’s unable to sleep… “CLORIS LEACHMAN’S FACE – WHY?!” The 82 year old will be dancing with Corky Ballas (Mark’s father and a Latin dance champion).

Ted McGinley, Actor: You know, Stanley the jock from Revenge Of The Nerds! He’s paired with pro dancer Inna Brayer (…crickets…)

Brooke Burke, Actress: No one likes her anymore. She tanked on Rock Star, and I’m confident she’ll tank here too. Sorry, Derek Hough, you’re goin’ down.

Jeffrey Ross, insult comic and roast master: Maybe he’ll roast Tom Bergeron and give us all a laugh. He’ll be paired with Edyta Sliwinska.

Warren Sapp, Super Bowl champion: Look, ma! Another retired football player on Dancing With The Stars. How original! The Former Tampa Bay Buccaneers and Oakland Raiders defensive tackle will be paired with Kym Johnson.

Susan Lucci, Soap Star: They’ve wanted her for years, but Susan’s never wanted to travel between the DWTS Los Angeles set, and her NYC soap set… until now. She’ll be dancing with Tony Dovolani.

Catch the season premiere of Dancing with the Stars on Monday, September 22, at 8 EST on ABC.

Other posts on Pophangover:

1. DANCING WITH THE STARS: Season 8 Cast First Look
2. DANCING WITH THE STARS: Season 9 Cast First Look
3. Misty May Injured, Officially Off Dancing With The Stars
4. Misty-May Treanor May Be Off Of Dancing With The Stars
5. Dancing With The Irrelevant Stars: Fall 2010 Cast