The 10 Stupidest Twilight Items On Etsy
Published on: November 18, 2009 – 12:05 pm by Jillian Madison 
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Twilight may have started out as a simple book series, but these days, it’s the reason thousands of people are creating ugly, homemade vampire crafts and selling them on the internet. We’ve compiled the top 10 Stupidest Twilight Items on Etsy.com – just in time for the big New Moon release. Enjoy.
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1. I Wish My Daddy Sparkled Onesie (via) Listen, kid. If your daddy sparkled in real life, he’d be married to a guy named Vincent. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. |
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2. “Edward’s Eyes” eyeshadow (via) It may look like a pile of elephant shit, but don’t be fooled. It’s eyeshadow, colored like Edward’s eyes! Wow. That’s a stretch, isn’t it? This bullshit product is desperately trying to link itself to Twilight, just to trick you into spending your money. It was created by an out of touch middle aged woman, and her teen daughter named “Daya.” That says it all. |
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3. Twilight Party PDF Planning Kit (via) If you need a $10 Adobe PDF document to help you plan a Twilight party, you should just kill yourself now. I’m serious. |
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4. Edward Vinyl Wall Decal (via) Even more disturbing than the decal itself is the look on that little girl’s face. What is she, 7 years old? Why the hell is she longingly looking off into the distance like that? Way to exploit a kid to make a sale. |
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5. Twilight Pink Converse Sneakers (via) These ask, “do I dazzle you?” These do something to me, but I don’t know if dazzle is the right word. |
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6. Edward/Bella Text Decal (via) A wall decal that reads: “I’m just a Bella waiting for my Edward.” Guess what? You’re going to be waiting for a very long time. Know why? Because IT’S A FUCKING FAKE MOVIE, YOU MORON. |
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7. Vampire With A Volvo Text Decal (via) Another wall decal from the same seller. This one reads: “Forget a prince with a horse, I want a vampire with a Volvo.” Good luck with that. Let us know how it turns out. |
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8. Sparking Edward Bath Bombs (via) I don’t know exactly what a “sparkling bath bomb” is, but that thing looks like a testicle with a nasty STD. Whatever it is, it has absolutely nothing to do with Twilight. And I certainly don’t want it anywhere near my bathtub. |
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9. “I Drive Like A Cullen” keychain (via) Really? What does that even mean? You stop your Volvo at all railroad crossings? |
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10. Edward Laptop Decal (via) No. You don’t dazzle me. But you do make my $2500 laptop look like a cheap piece of shit, so thanks for that. |
Other posts on Pophangover:
November 18th, 2009
actually the cullens are supposed to drive really fast and not wear seatbelts or anything…i read the books but im not really a fan and im not defending the person who made it..just saying
November 20th, 2009
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=28627058
November 21st, 2009
(in response to Christine’s comment)
Oh. My. God. That’s ridiculous…who wants to pay 16 bucks for a rock with “Edwards Eye” painted on it?
Nice list, though…it made me laugh.
November 23rd, 2009
Karnie that is not a rock its a mound of eyeshadow that is named “Edwards Eyes”.
November 25th, 2009
[...] according Pop Hangover, are the 10 worst Twilight items available on Etsy. [...]
November 25th, 2009
[...] according Pop Hangover, are the 10 worst Twilight items available on Etsy. [...]
November 29th, 2009
hey betty, she clearly says that she’s responding to christine’s link. which is, in fact, edward’s eye painted on a rock!
November 29th, 2009
Perhaps the article’s title should be “10 most shameless attempts at cashing in on Twilight” I would hope that these people were sued but that may imply I want Stephenie Meyer, the creator of this Twilight cr@p, to make more money and therefore give 10% more to The Mormon Church.
Those of you who have a facebook page and hate this tripe like I do should join the Boycott All Twilight Products group http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=164931291055
November 29th, 2009
I WANT THEM ALL!!!
December 3rd, 2009
Haha, these are embarrassingly awful. Then again, so is Twilight. Perfect match! :D