HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROAST: Paul Walker Edition
Published on: September 12, 2008 – 5:27 pm by Michelle Madison 
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SEPTEMBER 12th: Happy birthday, Paul Walker! Today you’re 35… and thanks to all that man-scaping, you don’t look a day over 14! Perhaps now you will actually be able to grow a beard that doesn’t look like Matt Lauer’s head.
Three cheers to the only Mormon alive who has the patience to endure the art of Muay Thai, Jiu-Jitsu, and tone on tone foil high-lites at the beauty salon.
We squawk at those who claim you make Keanu Reeves seem like a Rhodes Scholar. Even though you look dumber than Carnie Wilson on a quiz show about the Zone Diet .. you can’t be. Even your daughter “Meadow Rain” is proud of the fact that you refused to star in The Fast and the Furious 3.
The entire cast of Varsity Blues hasn’t said “bro” or “dude” as many times in their entire lives as you did during your last VMA acceptance speech. And when it comes to acting, your performance as the dumb, obnoxious, pompous prick of the school in She’s All That was moving. Come to think of it, your portrayal of the dumb, obnoxious, pompous prick of the school in The Skulls was equally believable as well. So Happy Birthday golden boy, here’s to you. Bro.
Other posts on Pophangover:
September 14th, 2008
the guy is a dipshit. ive seen llamas with more brain power
September 15th, 2008
I saw the VMA speech. It was absurd