I am BANNING: Olympic athletes from advertising for McDonalds. Give me a break. These are supposed to be people at the peak of physical perfection – representing our country in the world’s biggest competition – and McDonalds has them bragging that they’re regularly chowing down on some of the unhealthiest foods on the planet? No wonder the rest of the world thinks we’re a bunch of fat pigs!

I grabbed a McDonalds burger for lunch, and was shocked by what I saw on the side of the bag. It was a grainy, digitized photo of Olympian swimmer Ryan Lochte, declaring that he eats McDonalds for “breakfast, lunch, and dinner.”

Apparently, he wasn’t kidding. Lochte arrived in Athens for the 2004 summer Olympics weighing in at 181 pounds, and left tipping the scales 194 pounds, thanks to his inability to control himself at the all you can eat McDonalds restaurant in the athletes’ village. That’s sad. Keep it up, Ryan, and the only gold you’ll be winning is the star from the head counselor at your fat camp.

Is weight gain what he’s talking about in his motto on the McDonalds bag: GO BIG OR GO HOME? He gained 13 pounds in Athens… is that big enough?

“Don’t eat McDonald’s every day for seven straight days,” said Ryan, while trying to cram his flabby McDonalds ass into his tiny Speedo. Who the hell is he, Morgan Spurlock?

Ryan is also quoted on the McDonalds website as saying, “the best part of the Olympics is the all-you-can-eat McDonalds!” Really? MCDONALDS the best part of the Olympics? The hours of training… the blood, sweat, and tears… all for some free dollar menu items? Unreal. Either the Hamburgler is slipping him cash under the diving board, or Ryan Lochte is the biggest moron at the Olympic games.

His coach, Gregg Troy, responded by saying, “his diet is not one of his strong points.” No shit. What I want to know is this: what sort of coach would tolerate their pupil shoving their face with McDonalds every day for seven days… WHILE COMPETING? And what sort of message is that sending to the children? “Sure, little Johnny, you can eat those fries instead of your spinach and grow up to be big and strong just like Ryan Lochte!

Why is there even an “all you can eat” McDonalds buffet in the ATHLETES’ VILLAGE to begin with? I think I smell a plot orchestrated by the Russians, to gain a competitive edge over the Americans who can’t control their fast food urges.

Here’s a close-up of the actual photo McDonalds used, versus the digitized photo on the bag. They captured his nose perfectly, but where’s the double chin from all the Micky D’s? Maybe this was taken on day one.

Other posts on Pophangover:

1. New Olympics “Got Milk” Ad Just Released
2. The most disturbing McDonalds commercial ever
3. BANNING: HIGH FIVING
4. HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROAST: Calista Flockhart Edition
5. McDonalds Filet O’Fish Commercial: ANNOYING