HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROAST: Avril Lavigne Edition
Published on: September 27, 2008 – 11:54 am by POPHANGOVER 
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SEPTEMBER 27th: Happy birthday, Avril Lavigne! Today you’re 24… which means you should have outgrown your hideous quasi-rebellion pink striped hair by now. It’s time to give it up. Your head looks like the ass end of Gloria Estefan’s favorite Flamenco dress.
(And for the record, your fang teeth are equally FUGLY. No wonder you’re self conscious about them. File those shits down. And while you’re at it, buy your lawn gnome husband Deryck Whibley a nose job, too. He looks like a Russ Troll that just got flattened by a Mini Cooper.)
Your music is painful and should be outlawed in all countries. Few things in life are as annoying as hearing your song “Girlfriend” blaring out of a teal Chrysler Lebaron being driven by some pimple-faced 16 year old bitch in an Abby Dawn t-shirt.
You think you’re punk rock just because you wear fishnets and say “fuck you”? Please. You’re a poser. Maybe your delusions come from your cheap, tainted, Hot Topic makeup. China made perhaps?
Let me read a quote from your interview with Us Weekly, where you talked about your “generosity”:
“I am a very giving person. When the hurricane thing happened, I went to my closet, filled six boxes of stuff and said to my assistant, ‘Take it to Katrina!’ I also like to give stuff to people who are my ‘workers,’ especially if they don’t make much money.”
Here’s a fucking great idea, you disgusting rat-faced sloth: pay your employees more. And stop acting like you’re Mother Teresa because you donated some ripped t-shirts. You don’t deserve anything you have. You belong stuck behind the counter at the Flying J in your little shithole Canadian town, wondering if you’re pregnant and trying to figure out how you’re going to pass 10th grade Algebra.
So here’s to you, Avril Lavigne, you stupid bitch. Here’s a little diddy, from us to you:
Hey, hey Avril
We don’t like your music
No way, no way
You’re such a fucking poser
Hey, hey Avril
You got an ugly boyfriend…
Other posts on Pophangover:
September 27th, 2008
haha flying J
September 27th, 2008
i hate avril lavigne. i never liked her but i hate her more after reading what she said about katrina!
October 12th, 2008
I wouldn’t exactly call myself an Avril fan, but wow, there sure are some haters in the world. So what if you don’t like her song? I think you haters are crying because she has more money than you, grow up.
October 12th, 2008
Chris, there are “haters” in the world, sure, but this is a humor and satire site. Do you even know what a *BIRTHDAY ROAST* is?!? She’s supposed to be lambasted and insulted in a birthday roast – that’s the whole point of it.
Seems you’re the one who needs to grow up and see the world more if you don’t even know that much.
If I wrote this roast, I would have been even meaner to that little shit Avril. I can’t stand her and it has nothing to do with how much money she has.
I hate when people say that… “Oh you’re just jealous” … you obviously don’t have anything more interesting to say. Peace out.
October 12th, 2008
avril levine sucks… she’s a spoiled, talentless, faux-punk bitch with a talentless, faux-punk russ troll husband.
October 12th, 2008
Get over it Chris! Were you whining in the front row when Comedy Central roasted William Shatner and Pamela Anderson too??!!
December 15th, 2008
don’t talk about avril in this way…don’t forgett that she have so many fans can burn you’r assessssssss…..so just shut up people
December 15th, 2008
look up birthday roast in the dictionary Reyan – you fucking whiny bitch. get a sense of humor.
March 11th, 2009
The Katrina thing was not something Avril said, it was made up, and Avril has publicly stated that she never said it, you can hear the interview of her publicly stating so at Buzz Bishops website.
March 22nd, 2009
marissak, if you know so much, maybe you should also know that roasts are not presented by people who REALLY hate the person they’re roasting. Think next time you have a moment of brilliance that perhaps its you who don’t know what the hell you’re on about.
Yeah, dumbasses – Roasts are not for people who hate the person to laugh about them, its for people who can accept the person and their flaws and look past it and grow the hell up and let it go. Its more like, ‘You do some dumb shit, but we still love ya’ kinda thing.
So maybe all you Avril haters who see this as an excuse to rip her down and play it off like its acceptable because you label it a ‘roast’ – you’re the ones who have problems. Seriously.
June 24th, 2009
Wow, who ever made this blog is sad.
You’re sitting at your desk envying a 20 something year old pop star.
What are you doing for the world?
She’s touring Japan right now sharing her TALENT with people from all over the planet and all you can do is bash her while you loathe yourself for becoming such a hateful person. Her clothing line is fabulous, and quite a few people I know wear Abby Dawn. I bet when Katrina hit you BLOGGED about it saying how you hated the World. She gave. And who are you paying? We all have money issues. Spread the love. People like you never get anywhere. And don’t insult Avril’s husband, because whoever you are…your significant other is probably a blow up doll.
Blog about that.
September 24th, 2009
avril lavigne is the best !
Love it Hate it
U’ll never have to be like Her !
<3Lol