MTV has a new show out, called “Sex With Mom And Dad.” Even though the title makes it sound like a show about offspring in Kentucky who actually HAVE SEX with their moms and dads, thankfully, that’s not what the show is about. The premise is equally as disturbing, though. Relationship expert Dr. Drew Pinsky sits down with kids and their parents, and forces them to talk with each other, in detail, about their sexual encounters and practices.

Last night I caught the episode with Greg, a 19-year old male whore from Jersey with only two loves: himself, and his hideous zebra print hat. Five minutes into the episode, and his mother’s already spilling the beans that she “didn’t orgasm” until her mid 30s. I know. Gross, right? Do you care when your mother first orgasmed? I SURE DON’T. I’m no prude by any sense of the word, but I’ll tell you one thing: my gag reflex hasn’t seen so much action since the time my friends forced me to sit through the movie “Dan In Real Life.” I hated every minute of it.

Cocky, obnoxious, STD-infested Greg bragged to Dr. Drew about sleeping with at least 2 different girls each weekend, so Dr. Drew made him and his mother go on a “BONK TOUR.” Translation: they had to physically go show each other the places they’ve had sex. What that has to do with ANYTHING, I don’t know. I can tell you it only got worse from there.

Cut to a scene of them driving around town as Greg pointed out the locations of his sexual trysts (which included a gym rooftop, a beach lifeguard stand, and even a romantic little parking spot by a DUMPSTER.) When he admitted to his mom he had sex in the back of their car, the mother freaked out and said, “Your little brother sits there!” Greg shrugged his shoulders and said, “So what. I didn’t leak.”

Next, Greg’s mother drove him home, took him into her bedroom, pointed at her bed, and said, “This is my bed. I have very intimate sex here.”

Enough. Give me a fucking break. This show is ridiculous, dysfunctional, and disturbing. It’s one thing to talk to your kids about sex and the necessity of condoms, but it’s completely another to delve into detail about the length of your orgasms and the amount of your ejaculate. What the hell happened to privacy? What about normal, healthy parent/child boundaries?

Bottom line: If you want to hear details about your child or your mother’s sex lives, or visualize their sexual encounters, you’re not “learning and growing” — you’re NORMAN BATES.

And good luck to all of you googling the show’s title, “Sex With Mom And Dad” – I think my computer just caught gonorrhea. I”m sure you can imagine the search results that turned up. I think a few even involved FARM ANIMALS. Be sure to clear your history, because if your friends or family see that shit, they’ll think you’re Jeffrey Dahmer.

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3. HONEST TV SHOW SUBTITLES
4. Banning: The Movie “Hancock”
5. Honest TV Show Taglines