STARTING NOW: New Rules for Halloween!
Published on: October 27, 2008 – 11:48 am by Jillian Madison 
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Starting Now: New Rules
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STARTING NOW: NO MORE POPCORN BALLS! They’re stale, they’re hard, and I don’t want to eat something that looks like it was just hit into the bleachers by Jose Canseco. |
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STARTING NOW: Candy makers, stop calling small pieces of candy “Fun Size”. There’s nothing fun about eating a Snickers that’s as big as my thumbnail. |
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STARTING NOW: Lazy kids aren’t allowed to get any candy for Halloween. Sorry, but a white sheet with holes cut out of it isn’t a costume. It’s an operating room prop on Grey’s Anatomy. |
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STARTING NOW: Don’t bother watching horror movies on network TV. They cut out all the good parts. There’s no blood, no gore, and no one dies. If I wanted to watch crazed psychopaths just walking around swinging Santoku knives, I’d tune into the Food Network. |
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STARTING NOW: Stop putting the same Halloween decorations up, in the exact same locations, year after year! I stopped being stared of the fake coffin sitting on your front porch in 1992. |
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STARTING NOW: Fat trick or treaters are only allowed one piece of candy. Look, kid, I’m doing you a favor. Your stomach is hanging out over your Spider Man costume, and you’re 4 Kit-Kats away from needing a boomerang to put on your Spidey-Senses belt. That web shit you spit out of your wrists has a limit to the weight it can support, and you’re just about there. |
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Other posts on Pophangover:
October 27th, 2008
these are funny and so true. though i am guilty of putting the same halloween decorations in the same place every year!
October 28th, 2008
ordinary popcorn balls are nasty. kettle corn popcorn balls are another story.
October 28th, 2008
LOL I was just watching Halloween on basic cable and I was saying the same thing. No one dies. They always cut to a commercial, which just doesn’t work for suspense films. Nothing says “I’m scared” like a 30-second ad for a douche.
October 28th, 2008
CHUNK!
October 28th, 2008
starting now – women in my office aren’t allowed to come to work dressed like a cat. every halloween my office looks like the north shore animal league.