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CASTING SPECIAL |
alternatively titled
Meet the losers you'll be
ranking on all season |
New York, Take 2 |
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Here we are again - another year, another season of The Real World. The two hour casting
special was the most boring thing I've seen on TV in years. It moved slower than the blood
through Louie Anderson's veins.
So, who will we be laughing at this season? Let's meet the cast of The Real World New York!
LORI:
According to Lori, singing is the only thing she does very well. Gee, no wonder she's
having problems with her boyfriend back home. Lori has a crush on Kevin. Is that a cross
in his pocket or is he just happy to see her?
MALIK:
Hair. Ugly, ugly hair. Malik is (surprise!) a musician, and he treated us to one of his
songs: "I never knew life could be so hard, Real World watchers are gonna tear me to
shards. I never knew people could be so cold, I'm being laughed at by the young and
the old." What talent! We'll have a field day with Malik this season.
CORAL:
Coral will definitely be smack dab in the middle of controversy this season. I already
find her loud, overbearing, and annoying. How many pairs of glasses does the girl own?
I stopped counting at 6.
KEVIN:
Kevin actually uttered the words: "When I first got here, my hand was in my pocket and
I was rubbing something." It was his cross. Ri-i-ight. Sure it was. Keep the verbal gems
coming, Kev.
NICOLE:
When I first saw Nicole, I actually screamed out in horror. I am convinced she is a man
in drag. No self respecting woman would wear that eyeshadow. Nicole said it herself: "Don't
judge a book by its cover." Oh, don't worry Nic. I'm not judging anything.
Hell, even I saw "The Crying Game."
RACHEL:
Rachel has never seen a penis. Need I say more?
MIKE:
Mike is your typical, every-day average dork who thinks he's the man because he used his
camcorder to film having sex with some girl. Dude, like, maybe I can come over to your frat
house for a beer later? Mike summed it up better than I could ever dream of doing when he said,
"I feel like I'm dumb." Spoken like a true real worlder.
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