|
EPISODE #1008 |
alternatively titled:
THE LITTLE EPISODE THAT COULDN'T |
Shoot me now. |
|
Previously on the Real World: Lori sings (if that's what you want to call it.)
This week on the Real World: NOTHING HAPPENED. It was the "Little Episode That Couldn't." It couldn't entertain. It couldn't make me laugh. It couldn't hold my attention for more than 5 seconds.
Yep, another week, another God-awful episode of the "Real" World New York.
The episode opened with Coral and Nicole picking on Rachel for not recruiting anyone for their first focus group. Nicole's earrings were so damn big that they could have doubled as a belt for Roseanne. Hideous doesn't even begin to do them justice. Rachel wore a shirt with the letter "A" on it - you guessed it... it stands for AIRHEAD (or asshole. The choice is yours. Discuss amongst yourselves.)
Cut to a shot of Nicole in the mirror getting ready for work. The camera panned to a shot of her reflection, which I glimpsed at and then turned to stone.
In the confessional, Nicole then said that she liked working with children because she could be "herself." Cut to a quick scene of Nicole working as a camp counselor wearing nothing but a trashbag and a nametag that read "SAL."
Meanwhile at work the next day, Coral was wearing Nicole's huge oversized earrings. Mike entertained the bored-at-work group by ripping them out of her ears and showing how much he "totally rocked" at doing the hula-hoop.
That is all that happened during the first segment. And I made half of that up. If you missed the episode, consider yourself blessed.
After the break, Rachel was crying to Nicole because she felt she was being picked on. Nicole said, "You being honest with me makes me like you." Rachel said, "In that case, I think you're a rotten wench and your face gives me nightmares. And while I'm at it, why don't you just sleep with Coral and get it over with."
Cut to the boys on the street having a 4-minute long snowball fight. Riveting footage, I'll tell ya. Kevin then watched someone get shot in a drive-by shooting and saw someone murder a homeless guy for his sneakers and then proceeded to say that there was more positive energy on the streets of New York than inside the Real World house. Mike then got his face smooshed in the snow and enlightened us by saying that it was "so cold!" Wow, snow in New York is cold? Because the last time I touched snow, I got third degree burns.
Back home, Rachel was crying again, this time to Lori. She whispered, "Back home, I didn't have friends who would pick on me to tears. They would just pick on me until I almost cried, and then they'd go ahead and call it a night."
The next day, Coral and Nicole decided to go out shopping instead of going to work. Coral had a sketchy brown stocking cap on her head. I couldn't tell if she was going to pay for her capris, or if she was going to shove a gun in the mouth of the poor saleswoman until she recited verbatim Martin Luther King Jr.'s "I Have A Dream" speech and let her take the capris for free.
Back at work, the boss-men gave the other roommates tickets to see Outkast. When Coral and Nicole found out, Coral said, "I'm trippin!" I thought it was just that she was upset. Turns out, she really was tripping. Rachel left her Malibu Barbie on the steps again.
Phew. Next commercial break. Thank goodness. I needed time to pop a few Vivarin. This episode was snore-central.
After the break, Coral and Nicole were bitching (surprise!) because Lori sent them a page that said they didn't have to come in to work. Coral said, "I would have come in if we didn't get that page. I don't want to look like an idiot." Honey, whether you went into work or not, you still would have looked like the biggest idiot in the Big Apple, so why don't you and your non-humanly sized forehead run back home and take another nap on the couch.
Next... cut to a ridiculous scene of Rachel/Lori talking to Coral/Nicole about the damn tickets again. Rachel and Lori were way up high on the balcony, while Coral and Nicole were down in the living room looking up at them. By gosh by golly, I think I see some symbolism there. Rachel and Lori said they would have given up their tickets so Nicole and Coral could have gone to the concert. Nicole and Coral then chased Rachel and Lori around the house, stole their milkmoney, and ate the dessert out of their lunchboxes.
The next day at work, Coral and Nicole went into work to try to explain just what went wrong in their lives to make them such slackers. Nicole said she felt she worked hard and wanted a ticket to see Outkast (the irony of it all is that if the other roommates had gotten tickets to see Barry Manilow, Coral and Nicole wouldn't have put up such a fuss.) The best scene of the night came when the boss-men basically told the girls that they sucked at their jobs and didn't work as hard as the others. The boss-men then danced the funky chicken and high-fived each other, excited to have finally put Coral and Nicole in their places.
Later that night, the roommates all went out to see Outkast. Coral and Nicole stayed home and curled up on the couch next to each other. They were trading quips from the books they were reading, respectively titled "If You're A Bitch And You Know It, Clap Yo' Hands" and "How To Apply Makeup - A Clown's Guide."
FINALLY, Nicole said, "Don't be bitter about not getting a ticket. You earned it." Coral said, "That's a crock." So wait, Coral knows she wasn't deserving of the ticket, yet bitched about how deserving she was of it anyway? Well color me surprised. I never, even my wildest dreams, would have thought she would have been so hypocritical.
And that, my friends, brought another week of Real World New York drama to an end (and not ONE moment too soon.) And now onto the rotten apple awards!
 |
THE ROTTEN APPLE AWARDS |
This week's Rotten Apple award for the most annoying character:
Little. Whiny. RACHEL.
This week's Rotten Apple award for the most vomit-worthy comment(s):
Coral: "I don't want to look like an idiot." Oh, honey, it's a little too late for that.
|
|
This is MTVixen Jill sayin'... see ya next week... and remember,
ah, screw it. See ya next week.
|
