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EPISODE #1115 |
alternatively titled
If There Is No Review, The
Terrorists Will Have Won! |
The September 11th Episode |
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Yep. Another week, another episode of The Real World. Very short review, as most of the scenes simply contained the
real worlders reacting to the events of September 11th.
Before the show started, a note was displayed that read, "All scenes taped between
September 10th and September 14, 2001." What? MTV
GAVE us a timeline? Why, I do believe that's rarer than Vampire Lestat's last bacon burger.
The episode opened with Tonya talking on the phone to Justin, who was in a tanning bed. No, not NEAR a tanning bed, but *IN* the
tanning bed. Please. What kind of an idiot answers their cell phone while in a tanning bed? I guess that unraveled the
mystery of what Justin was doing with Tonya in the first place: all those deadly UV rays fried his little head.
Cut to Aneesa bitching to Kyle that Tonya is always on the phone. She said, "Tonya is on my bad side and I don't know
if she will ever move from there." Well, Aneesa, judging by the fact that your belt size is "equator," I would think it would
take her quite awhile to maneuver herself to your "good side," wherever that may be.
Kyle stepped into the confessional and said, "Tonya and Aneesa love each other, but they don't like each other at all." Oh,
put a fork in it. Seriously. That doesn't even make any sense! Leave the deep thinking to someone whose head wouldn't explode
at the thought of doing long division without a calculator. Don't you have an old dusty football that needs
inflating or something? Move along. Run. Don't walk.
Cut to a shot of the roommates gathered together in the living room, with their eyes glued to the TV more intently than
Pat Sajak to Vanna White's cleavage. MTV broke their "no television" rule due to the extreme circumstances of September
11th (well, that and a chance for them to increase viewership by exploiting people at their most
vulnerable. And that, my friends, is more fucked up than Charlie Sheen on his birthday.)
In any event, Cara was so moved by the scenes on TV that she ran into the bathroom to cry (either that or she was really upset
at Theo for biting the
head off her animal cracker. You decide.) And poor Kyle was so worried about Nicole that his orange Princeton t-shirt turned
white. The horror!
After several tries, Kyle finally got through to Nicole on the telephone. Nicole was IN New York while everything was going down,
and yet on the phone, she sounded like she just got back from a rejuvenating weekend in the Hamptons. She didn't seem to care! Come
on now, September 11th was one of, if not THE, most tragic days in our nation's history. So why is it that I've
seen people get more emotional after a Magic 8-ball didn't give them the answer they were hoping for?
Suddenly, we heard George Bush's voice beaming throughout the Real World house. The camera panned around the kitchen and into
the living room, to show everyone fast asleep in front of the television! Man, nothing works better than BUSH to help you catch
some Z's during stressful times. He single-handedly put Nytol out of business, and was the driving force behind the laying off
of 183,000 counting sheep.
Cut to Aneesa on the phone. Tonya was sitting on the couch right next to her. Seriously, she couldn't have been any more up Aneesa's
ass if she were her proctologist. The two proceeded to bicker back and forth about who'd get to use the phone next. I was half
expecting Mike Brady to come running down the steps with some advice on how to split phone privileges and/or how to use a boot
to retrieve a key while locked in a prison cell, but then I remembered he died a few years ago... and that expectation got
flushed down the toilet faster than Sebastian Bach's cocaine during a police raid.
Cut to the group sitting in a circle saying the Serenity Prayer. Did the RW house suddenly turn into an AA workshop? I must be
confused. In any event, Kyle prayed for a little blue star to wear on his face so he could look just as cool as Theo
from the RW/RR challenge, and Keri prayed that Tonya's therapeutic Aerobed would pop just so she could prove to everyone in the
house that she could inflate more than just a flat tire and Kyle's package.
Next, the roommates went outside the loft and lit a candle on the National Day of Remembrance. They
were the only people outside, except for two women that bore a strong, yet erie, resemblance to the Indigo Girls. Cara invited the
women over to "sing, talk, and pray" with them. After a few choruses of "Virginia Woolfe," the curiosity began to get the better of
Theo. He ran inside and called his father to ask, "Dad, who is Virginia Woolfe?" When his father replied, "She's the woman who
cuts your mother's hair," Theo ran back outside and joined in the festivities.
And that, my friends, brought another week of Real World Chicago drama to an end. Stay tuned next week... where
Kyle and Keri are more annoying than ever.
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THE WHINY CITY AWARDS |
This week's Whiny City award for the most annoying character:
Aneesa. I won't be able to celebrate MY birthday anymore! *I* am going to always remember this day. *MY* birthday
is ruined. Yes, feel free to make an Aneesa dartboard, or just come over to my house and use mine.
This week's Whiny City award for the most vomit-worthy comment(s):
Cara: "Praying always made me feel uncomfortable, but you know what, this is okay!" Of course it is okay. You're not
receiving electroshock therapy... you're saying the SERENITY PRAYER. Get a grip.
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