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Episode #900 |
the casting special
Meet the dorks you'll be making fun of this season! |
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Forget about the new Real Worlders for a second - I just want to know why the hell Sarah (from Road Rules) was
wearing a potato sack turtleneck tanktop? Eek.
So here we are again - another year, another season of The Real World. As the MTV commercial says, "There's only
room for 7 in the Big Easy!" What they meant to say was, "There's only room Kelley, the Big Easy, and 6 others."
So who will we be laughing at this season? Let's meet the cast of The Real World New Orleans!
MELISSA:
Last year, we had Ruthie who never changed her rank black thong. This year, we have Melissa - a chick
who buys her undergarments at K-Mart. She says that black people don't like her because she's Filipino, Filipino
people don't like her because she's black, and white people don't like her because she's a loud, overdramatic
bitch. Melissa is 23.
DANNY:
Danny appeared on the casting special for all of 5 seconds, but that was enough time for
me to grow tired of his cheesy smile. Danny is 22.
KELLEY:
Kelly = Amaya - 4 breast cup sizes. She claims "People are always trying to take her down." That's
because they probably figure they can get her to stop whining if she's on the ground gasping
for breath. Kelley is 22.
DAVID:
David doesn't drink or smoke and has a 4.0 GPA - yet, he can't
bend over to tie his own shoes. For the casting special, he wore a stupid nosering that made him look like
an absolute idiot. He aspires to be the first black president, but he claims he doesn't want to be human.
What does this all translate to? That's right - David is corny. David is 21.
JAMIE: Basically,
Jamie is the cockiest bastard to stand in front of the Real World cameras since Eric Nies.
He said he "wakes up to a picture of Nelson Mandela" every day. Gee, don't most guys prefer
Cindy Crawford? Hmm. He then
exclaimed, "I'm a pimp! I'm lucky!" to which I muttered under my breath,
"I can't wait until you reveal your many dweeby
characteristics to all of the free world so we can laugh at your expense." Jamie is 21.
JULIE:
Julie is a Mormon who hates homosexuals. What? You need something else to convince you she's completely
ignorant? Did you see how excited she got over Donny Osmond being on her airplane? She's just a dork...
a dork who chews with her mouth open. Julie is 20.
MATT:
Matt doesn't smoke, drink, or do drugs - but he does kick puppies and beat up old ladies for fun.
He thinks he can breakdance, but he's wrong. He thinks he looks good in those tacky post-cataract surgery
sunglasses, but once again, he's wrong. Poor, poor clueless Matt. Matt is 21.
And that, my friends, brought the first week of Real World New Orleans drama to an end.
And now onto the almighty VOODOO awards!
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THE ALMIGHTY VOODOO AWARDS |
This week's ALMIGHTY VOODOO award for the most annoying character:
Jamie. How did his head fit through the doors of the studio?
This week's ALMIGHTY VOODOO award for the most vomit-worthy comment:
David - "I don't want to be human." Really? Because I was thinking that nosering made him
look sort of like a bull.
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