CELEBRITY ADORATION SUCKS.
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Yes...
They are all around us...
(and by "they" I am, of course, referring to the crazy freaks who would pay a thousand dollars for a crumpled-up wad
of toilet paper fresh from their favorite celebrity's ass.)
I'm not saying you can't like a celebrity. I'm not even saying you can't admire and/or support a
celebrity. I'm just saying there is a line that needs to be drawn, a line that should never, ever be
crossed. (TIP: if you would "like totally die" for the regurgitated breakfast of your favorite celeb,
chances are you may have crossed that line.)
People need to wake up. Celebrities are no different than anyone else. What did they do that makes them so absolutely
terrific that an an otherwise sane person would feel the urge to rip a huge chunk of perfectly healthy hair out of
their little celebrity heads? They're no more unique than a slutty outfit on Mariah Carey.
They're just normal people who happen to get paid to entertain you.
Another irrefutable fact is that most modern-day celebrities were the laughing stocks of their respective high
schools. They were huge outcasts that, for whatever reason, couldn't fit into society.
Take Marilyn Manson, as one of the many examples. You can't even remotely tell me the guys were inviting him to join
them in a friendly game of flag football. No way. My bet is he spent the majority of his high school days
looking out into the school corridors from the peep hole inside his locker. So what did he do? H
e traded in his t-shirts for a lovely
fake second layer of skin a-la-Silence Of The Lambs, and voila - he is now idolized and worshiped by
people all over the planet. If he never got that record deal, he would still be stocking shelves at
Wal-Mart, and his old high school pals would be stopping by to give him atomic wedgies just for
nostalgia's sake. And you would still be snickering at him as you walked by.
I dream of a world where I don't
have to turn on the TV and see lame Ricky Martin being swarmed by his out of
control groveling fans, who are sweating more then Roseanne on a hot day in his
presence. Take a step back and see how ridiculous they look. When you do,
maybe you'll understand why we think celebrity adoration sucks.
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