LETTERMAN SUCKS.
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David Letterman is a pencil-throwin, LAME joke-tellin, gap-toothed smilin,
repulsive cigar smokin, annoying bandleader hirin, ugly glasses wearin, horribly obnoxious has-been host of
a horribly obnoxious has-been show.
His jokes are terrible, if you can even call them jokes.
How many times a night does he have to cover up a "joke bomb" by throwing a pencil while his irritating bandleader,
Paul Schaffer, makes "breaking glass" noises on his synthesizer? YAWN.
The Late Show is just one really long, poorly executed "Stupid Human Trick" courtesy of David and his out-of-touch staff of
writers. And the folks at CBS wonder why they can't catch up in the late-nite ratings?? Do they actually
watch Letterman? If so, they might realize just how badly David Letterman sucks. I've heard my grandmother
crack funnier jokes.
David is probably most well known for his Top-10 Lists. Perhaps these lists used to be funny, many many moons ago.
Today, they are little more than played out, cluttered groupings of unorganizied stupid ideas. So, in honor of this massive
suckage, we came up with a Top 10 list of our own. From our home office at the University of Connecticut, we
bring you...
THE TOP 10
MORE PRODUCTIVE USES
FOR DAVID LETTERMAN
10. Saw off his hand, and use it to fix that pesky, wobbly end table of yours.
9. Remove hair from his head - use it to scour your pans clean.
8. Chop up and liquify his body; feed it to starving, malnourished children in Ethiopia.
7. Shoot him into the atmosphere to plug the hole in the Ozone.
6. Light his head on fire and use him as a Tiki Torch. Great for Bar-B-Q's!
5. Crash test dummy for Izuzu Motors, Inc.
4. Insert metal plate in his head, and stick him on your roof. Lightning will strike Dave,
sparing your valuable satellite dish.
3. Scarecrow - guaranteed to keep unwanted birds and rodents away.
2. Sparring partner for Mike Tyson
AND THE NUMBER ONE
MORE PRODUCTIVE USE
FOR DAVID LETTERMAN IS...
1. Toilet scrubber for NBC so Jay Leno's guests can urinate in a fresh bowl.
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